Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I stay up all night and
Find an old art program that I like and
Spend three quarters of an hour in front if it and
Strain my finger so much on my touchpad it feels like it wants to die and
Aximili is not impressed with your foolishness. Oh no he is not.
(Aximili is a character from the books series Animorphs....Animorphs rocks, don't argue with me, I am sleepy and incoherent, nyeh...Ax is an Andalite...this is an Andalite....Click me.
Andalite.<---that's a link click it, and then move the dial on the left from slow to fast
I could do more
But but but
I'm going to bed.
Monday, March 27, 2006
202 Rules of Power Metal
1. You have one goal: be epic.
2. Let no sound be lonely. If there’s a guitar solo, harmonize it. If there’s singing, make it a choir.
3. Keyboards offer a way to add thousands of different textures to a song. Find two of those that you like and use them on every song you write.
4. In a power metal world, everything steel is good, and anything good must be compared to steel.
5. You are not bound to sing about Satan, evil, and/or darkness.
6. You are bound to sing about dragons, freedom, and/or power metal.
7. Remember how no sound should be alone? Same goes for albums. Everything can have a sequel!
8. You are allowed to be blonde.
9. Swords enhance your credibility and your performance. Be sure to carry one regardless of whether or not you know anything about using one.
10. Pick a theme and stick to it. Manowar are warriors of true metal, and they don’t get to sing about anything else. Rhapsody has their Algalord chronicles. Hammerfall has their steel, hammers, and templar. Running Wild has pirates. Blind Guardian has Tolkein. None of them are allowed to sing about anything else.
11. If you have to sing about something else, put together a side project to do it. Avantasia is the perfect model.
12. Ballads are permissible.
13. That doesn’t mean your ballads can suck.
14. The longer a song is, the more epic it is. See rule #1.
15. More solos means more epic.
16. If at all possible, be Michael Kiske.
17. If this is not possible, pretend to be Michael Kiske.
18. Your album cover should include at least one of the following: fire, steel, weird glowing magical items, irregularly muscular men, fists thrust into the air, weaponry, magic creatures (preferably dragons), or bright beams of light around somebody/something.
19. ‘Grim’ and ‘necro’ don’t apply here; they just make you look silly. Now go back to singing your 20 minute epic about dragonslaying!
20. Power metal depends on power chords.
21. 16th notes are the only notes.
22. Unless you’re singing, in which case you are not permitted to hold a note for any less than 2 bars.
23. Keyboards get solos, too.24. If you can’t be Michael Kiske, you can at least be Timo Tolkki.
25. Actually, don’t be Timo Tolkki.
26. In case you didn’t know, “symphonic” is synonymous with “epic.” See rule #1.
27. Just because 300 bands before you have already done “epic,” there’s always room for more.
28. Songs come in two tempos: metal and ballad.
29. You are officially the only group of people who can refer to themselves as ‘mighty’ without being laughed at. Much.
30. Audiences need to be able to sing along. Make it catchy.
31. Sing in English, even though your fan-base will be comprised entirely of Brazilians, Germans, Japanese, Swedes, and Finns. See rule #30: if it’s not catchy, it’s harder to sing in a language that is not your first.
32. Play in as many bands as possible. More side projects and guest appearances means more epic!
33. Tight. Pants.
34. You don’t have to detune your guitars.
35. Though you probably should drop them a half-step.
36. Unfortunately, you need at least two guitar players. How else are you going to have dueling guitar solos?
37. Keyboards may substitute for one guitar player, as long as they can solo.
38. Fortunately, you don’t need a bass player! Or at least, you never have to use the same bassist twice.
39. Begin all songs with one big swelling chord on the keyboard.
40. Acoustic guitars are allowed. Sometimes.
41. It’s not a tour, it’s a crusade!
42. Layer your vocals, hundreds upon hundreds of times. Don’t worry about them live.
43. Never use mundane words in your lyrics. Nothing is epic if you don’t use words like “majesty,” “glorious,” “magical,” and so on.
44. Wizards! You need wizards!
45. Although your costume does not require corpse paint, it will require a cape, lots of jewelry, and the aforementioned swords.
46. Unless you are Manowar, in which case you are too metal for clothing.
47. Come to think of it, don’t be Manowar.
48. Wear armor if at all possible. Hammerfall can give you an idea of the variety of acceptable armors, ranging from leather to ring-mail.
49. Songs don’t begin at full speed. Gradually work your way into an epic frenzy.
50. Hail true metal!
51. Acoustic guitars are for intros and bridges. Then crush them with steel.
52. Epic. Tight. Pants.
53. Higher vocals are epic vocals. Female lead singers are great for this.
54. So, male lead singes should sound like female singers. See rule #52.
55. True warriors can tell the difference between albums.
56. Concept albums are totally epic. Nobody will ever see it coming.
57. Liner notes must include pages of backstory, either of your epic saga of conquest over dragons and evil or of your epic battles with alcoholism while recording the album.
58. Drugs aren’t metal.
59. Beer, however, can be served in all kinds of true metal ways.
60. “Flagons of ale.” It’s appropriate to your fantasy-riddled lyrics, and it almost looks like “dragons,” so you score extra points.
61. Since you can’t get away with grunts, growls, and other troll-like noises, you will have to sing.
62. Your accent will show as a consequence.63. To compensate, sing about killing trolls. Preferably with the swords that you carry onstage.64. More sequels = more epic. See rule #7.
65. Guest vocalists, guest guitarists, and any special appearances from outside your band will make your sound more epic, even if the track sounds just like all the other songs on the album with an extra solo.
666. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!!
67. Begin songs at half-tempo, and then, when listeners least expect it (i.e. at exactly the same time it happens in all your other songs) kick into full speed complete with double-bass and power chords.
68. Bass players: one note. Really fast.
69. But include one enormous crazy-ass bass fill before the chorus, even though the production will bury you so far in the mix that most people won’t realize your band has a bass player.
70. Just because you don’t play black metal doesn’t mean you can’t use Tolkein.
71. Whenever you short of ideas, pick up your Dungeons and Dragons books. You might as well be the first band to sing about owlbears.
72. Never leave Europe.
73. For purposes of rule #72, Japan may be counted as part of Europe.
74. Oh, and South America was colonized by Europeans, so it can count too.
75. Orchestras make a great addition to your album. Since you can’t afford one, find a new patch on your keyboard.
76. If your live album does not have the crowd singing all the harmony parts for you, you aren’t epic enough to justify a live album.
77. If you are European, use as many archaic English words in your lyrics as you can. Obfuscation is epic!
78. If you are South American, your lyrics should be closer to standard English, though nobody will ever read them.
79. If you are U.S. American, you probably aren’t actually a power metal band. Sing about tanks, or something.
80. If you are Italian, write some lyrics in Latin. Your American fans won’t be able to tell the difference between your Italian lyrics and your Latin ones, but Latin is epic.
81. Remember, shaving is epic, haircuts are not.
82. Entire albums must be recorded in the same key.
83. For that matter, entire careers may also be recorded in the same key.
84. Guitarists, remember: dun da-da dun da-da dun da-da…
85. Make your band logo very angular, but perfectly legible.
86. More than a logo, you need a mascot.
87. He need not be distinguishable from Eddie, but he does need to be on all your album covers.
88. At your first gig, if you feel a “rising force,” do be sure not to get it all over your audience.
89. Record your best songs unplugged, and sell them as an EP.
90. Do not expect anyone to buy the EP.
91. Remember, power metal fans are not gay. They are just comfortable with their masculinity.
92. Sing along.
93. Don’t get caught singing along.
94. Glitter is not epic.
95. Neither is body oil. See rule #47.
96. If you see a black metaller in the woods pretending to be a troll, see rule #9 and rule #63.
97. In your liner notes, thank everybody you toured with, even if they’re Stratovarius.
98. Complain about Stratovarius constantly even though you’ve bought all their albums and listen to them more than anything else in your collection.
99. Power metal must be pure; do not mix it with other metal styles.
100. To repeat: be epic.
101. I ran out of funny things to say way back at rule #52, but any less than 101 rules would so not be epic.
1. Denim and leather went out with Saxon. Silk and steel is the new thing.
2. If you do mix genres, power metal is still the dominant type. (e.g. blackened power metal) This is largely because power metal is infinitely more epic than the others styles, but also because “empowered” death metal just sounds stupid.
3. Not everyone in the world is fortunate enough to have a couch to slay. Sing a mighty hymn of remembrance for these brave souls before you leap into battle with your furniture.
4. Even if you don’t know anything about international politics, you can still write stories about the international relations of magical kingdoms.
5. By “international relations,” I mean “war.” Nobody wants majestic steel anthems about trade embargoes.
6. When giving interviews, be sure to mention that your musical influences include Thor.
7. Openly religious themes are generally a bad idea. Writing extremely vague songs about ‘destiny,’ ‘fate,’ ‘time,’ and other such metaphysics is a much better way to go.
8. Re-release your entire catalogue with a new bonus track in Japan. Then make everyone else pay three times as much for an album they already have for the one B-side and the cover of a Helloween song.
9. If you covered a Helloween song from “Pink Bubbles Go Ape” or “Chameleon,” please do the world a favor and die.
10. Fireworks are epic. Be sure to refer to them as “Dragon’s Breath” or “The Great Flame of Dirty Laundry Smiting.”
11. A note on fireworks: don’t get yourself set on fire like James Hetfield. True metal warriors can play with fire without getting burned.
12. Include as many vowels in your name as possible. Ideally, it will be the same name as the magical kingdom you sing about.
13. Gettysburg was not a magical kingdom. Shame on you, Jon Schaffer!
14. Naming your band Spinefarm, Nuclear Blast, or Steamhammer will not get you a contract. It will, however, get you plenty of internet traffic.
15. And a cease and desist letter.
16. Or a copyright infringement lawsuit.
17. They would make great album titles or stage names. “On bass, the legendary thundering giant of mighty low-end music, Steamhammer!”
18. Promo photos come in two types: standing around in T-shirts looking sullen, or basking in the glorious light of the universe holding swords up high, dressed in robes fit for a king.
19. Music videos should be shot in the snow.
20. You should also be shot in the snow for making such crappy music videos.
21. If this proves problematic, just record the band playing the song in a warehouse, forest, or room full of water.
22. Why do you play? For the king, for the land, for the mountains, for the green valleys where dragons fly, for the glory, the power to win over the dark lord!
23. Not to mention the right to write an album based on a crappy 80’s fantasy movie. Why isn’t “Willow” a five disc series yet?
24. Sonata Arctica is not “ice metal.” Power metal is the mightiest descriptor that can be bestowed upon a band; there’s no need to thin the blood by making up a new subgenre.
25. ESP and Jackson will provide your guitars.
26. Gotcha! Like anybody’s actually going to sponsor you…
27. Never change. A sequel should be sonically identical to its predecessor.
28. Step one: loincloths.
29. Step two: mountains.30. Step three: live like barbarians in the wilderness. Get in touch with nature, kill to eat, and let the power of the dragonflame burn in your heart!
31. If you actually DO feel the power of the dragonflame burning in your heart, I’d recommend Tums.
32. Narration is a great way to fill in those parts of your epic saga that are better expressed in prose than in song.
33. Hire a competent narrator, though… nobody has yet, except for Rhapsody finally wising up to hire Christopher Lee.
34. No, Christopher Lee will not work on your album, too. Level up a few times, and maybe then.
35. Iron Maiden is the father.
36. Dragonforce is the Son.
37. Tolkien is the Holy Ghost.
38. Trigger your drums, unless you are a man-sized Speedy Gonzalez. (I would make a joke about Speedy Gonzalez explaining why all the Brazilians are in power metal bands, but then I’d sound like an ethnocentric jerk. Remember, kids, true warriors come in all colors, sexes, and magical species.)
39. Play everything really fast because it's more epic. Dragonforce, therefore, is the most epic band possible.
40. Think of some epic sounding name for your genre like '+1 Extreme Operatic Dragonslaying Symphonic Melodic Epic Heavy Hollywood Power Metal of the Mighty War Gods of Finland.'
41. You are definitely not plain 'power metal.'
42. Hansi is God.
43. Singers aren’t allowed balls unless they are Hansi, because he is God.
44. You must sing; they don't have rap in Middle Earth and real elves don't growl.
45. Orcs, however, make excellent guest vocalists to fill in the growling niche.
46. Make sure you have Stratovarius, Helloween and Iron Maiden listed as your influences.
47. Listen to Nightfall in Middle Earth every day.
48. Watch your Lord of the Rings DVDs at least once a week.
49. If you watch all the extended editions back to back, you can consider yourself epic. And unemployed.
50. Read Lord of the Rings every month or two.
51. AND the Silmarillion.
52. For your English literature class, write your final thesis paper as a comparison between Tolkein and Blind Guardian’s interpretation of his works.
53. Make sure everyone thinks you are gay. Armor, loincloths, and face-paint (NOT corpse-paint) all add a lot to this. For the ideal model, find some pictures of Ronnie James Dio, the mightiest man in the history of metal.
54. You are definitely NOT gay.
55. Irrelevant to whether you're gay or not [which you aren't] you fancy Tuomas Holopanien AND Tarja Turunen.
56. Love songs are acceptable, but it has to be epic love which involve deaths and hopefully dragons and/or demons.
57. You cannot have songs about sex, that's just not epic.
58. Oceanborn was so much better than Once.
59. High pitched screams are allowed, but they are epic battlecries.
60. Don't ever make decent music videos.
61. All your fans want you to make decent music videos with battle scenes.
62. They will always be disappointed, although they will appreciate the gesture of including a forty-foot tall inflatable dragon to your stage props.
63. Frilly shirts ARE metal.
64. Though not as metal as chainmail.
65. You can't afford chainmail so use grey fabric mesh you bought from a fetish shop.
66. Your stage wardrobe should exude an attitude of “tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1599.”
67. Draw no distinctions between your stage personality and your normal life. While carrying around your sword in public might draw an uncomfortable amount of attention, it will be great publicity for your new album, “Orgul Silverleaf, Orc Hunter: the Epic Quest, Volume XIII.”
68. Fast is mighty, so double kick pedals to exaggerate the speed of your music wouldn't go astray.
69. There is no speed limit in power metal. It's even mightier to start off slow and then kick it to overdrive!
70. Sit at your computer for hours on end drawing up lists of the rules of power metal. It’s a guaranteed chick magnet, even if you’re female.
71. Constantly buy new albums on Ebay. Imports and international CDs are better, because even though the bands all sound the same, a CD is simply more epic if it has one extra track.
72. You don’t have a fan club, you have an army.
73. No, seriously. They’ve all got swords, too.
74. The band that slays together, stays together. Unless you slay each other. But that’s OK, because Varg doesn’t play power metal.
75. Tastelessly interrupt your subdued ballad with an obnoxiously loud and completely unrestrained guitar solo. What would kill the song in other genres is necessary here to wake up metalheads who fell asleep while you were singing about stalking your ex-girlfriend with your +2 Camcorder of Invisibility.
76. Your album ought to max out the holding capacity of a CD. You haven’t given enough glory to your king unless you have composed a 78-minute epic in his honor.
77. If you find that you can’t compose almost eighty minutes of blistering solos and testicle-wrenching harmonies, then you can leave an inexplicable pause of nothing at the end of the CD.
78. For the king, for the land, for the mountains, for the green valleys where dragons fly, for the glory the power to win the dark lord, you will search for the emerald sword.
79. Never tour in the US.
80. Claim that you never tour the US because of passport problems, when we all really know that you just don’t want to be anywhere close to the nation that produced Garth Brooks.
81. Make sure that your band is, for the most part, really only one person who happens to have other people who play his music. Your models, as always, ought to be Luca Turilli and Timo Tolkki.
82. Don’t be Timo Tolkki.
83. Never produce decent merchandise. Your logo looks cool on albums, but your shirts all look like crap.
84. Women sing. They are not allowed to have any other roles in the band. This is rather unfortunate, as they are the only people in the band who would actually look GOOD with long hair.
85. If you run out of ideas around this point, rehash your first composition.
86. When attending a power metal concert, please check your sword at the door.
87. After enough beer, “Breakfast with Cthulhu” actually does sound like a good idea for a concept album.
88. Ümläuts improve your credibility. Do your best to be born in a country where they are a standard part of your alphabet.
89. Liner notes must either include original artwork, or photos of your guitarist looking like a jackass onstage.
90. Some bands are ambiguously power metal, and instead get categorized as ‘speed metal’ or plain old ‘heavy metal.’ While you may enjoy them, if they can’t be shameless and unabashed power metallers, then they may not join you on your camping trip.
91. And by ‘camping trip’ I mean “running around in the woods with swords while singing your battlecries and hoping to find an elf.”
92. Think “family friendly.” Don’t swear, and please refrain from eating your bandmates. See rule #74.
93. Have an intro track. This means “one minute of keyboards that gradually get louder.”
94. Instrumental tracks should be limited to one per album. This is primarily because they do not advance your storyline very much, unless your Nordic warrior has to prove himself in a yodeling contest against the dark lord, in which case you really need to write a new story.
95. If you’re desperate for an extra B-side, cover an Iron Maiden song.
96. If you’re VERY desperate for an extra B-side, cover a Scorpions song.
97. Two-disc sets are epic. Unfortunately, it’s usually very difficult for both discs to be good.
98. If you have doubts about one of your friends being a true warrior, ask him to name every project that Alex Holzwarth has played for. If your friend cannot successfully name them all, begin your epic quest in search of all the discs to save your friend from being trapped in an evil dimension devoid of power metal.
99. If you mom walks in on you applying your facepaint while wearing a loin-cloth and a cape, I really can’t offer you any help, dude.
100. I still think I ran out of funny things to say back on the other list.
101. You should be proud of your mighty followup, particularly when it is also 101 rules long. Take great pride in the accomplishment, especially because this time there were guest artists involved.BONUS RARE B-SIDE RULE ONLY AVAILABLE IN JAPAN!
102. Record your live album in Japan, because, honestly, where in the hell else are you actually going to be able to pull a good enough crowd for a live album?
I like number 666 best.
- 666. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!!
Death to the Morning Report
Perhaps it is because I watched the original version so much, that I am irreversably biased. But by including the song, they cut out some lovely dialogue. The part where Zazu, off in his own funny world, asks Mufasa what he and Simba are doing, and Mufasa oh so casually remarks 'A pouncing lesson', and Zazu, still in his own world, smiling, says 'Oh very good'. And then there is that beat where he processes the information, and then flips out. It was hilarious! Well I thought so anyway. I miss it.
Also, any devout fan could see that the animation was completely different, Simba looked oddly thin and weird...
Besides the song being too short to be a good song, they also took away a scene which was very important. The most dramatic part in the whole film, is the part where Mufasa is killed, and Simba finds his body. No other Disney film has ever had a scene quite so emotional, not even Bambi. So because of this, the father/son relationship and bonding, is very very important in the film. Especially when you consider the fact that it is a short film and Mufasa's death happens something like just over half an hour in, it means that they really really do not have much time in order to establish the closeness between Mufasa and Simba, and that closeness is so important, for making the death scene all the more upsetting.
And they took out one of the best father son bonding scenes and replaced it with an annoying much abbreviated far too upbeat cheesey song. Bah. Humbug. Bah humbug I say. That scene was important on a much larger scale than the sheer annoyance that it brought!
I was annoyed at the fact that, on the dvd, the default version of the film is the new one with that damned song in it, and original version is the one that you have to search and alter to get. And it's in an obscure place. It gives the impression that the original one is the inferior one. I think it should be the other way round.
I have spoke, thus shall it be. Or something. I don't know...
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Homophobia is still everywhere. I don’t even know whether it has improved much in the last 100 years or so, due to the all consuming simple fact, that I have only been around for twenty years, and my memory only stretches back to sixteen years or something. But it’s still enough to piss me off, on an almost daily basis. It never fails.
I think it’s much less explicit than it used to be. That’s not to say, that it is never that way, it’s just that it has become slightly more subtle. It has new shapes and forms, that you don’t even notice, unless you are looking. Homophobia can sometimes be a sneaky bastard.
And sometimes, it can be explicit, but just hard to see. Yes that does make sense. For an example of this, think about blood banks. Did you know that it is perfectly legal for a blood bank to turn away a male donor if they find out that he is gay? For no other reason, than he is a gay man? And they won’t get into trouble for this? It’s to do with AIDS. Because as we all know, God gave us fags AIDS, for our sins. And that’s where AIDS comes from. The gay men are the carriers. Gay blood, is not allowed. That’s unfair discrimination and it’s not illegal.
You complete fucknuckles. If you did even a little bit of research, you would know, that hetero females are the people most likely to carry, and contract, AIDS. Homosexuals are the group with the lowest transfer rate of STDs. Especially lesbians.
The entire connection between gay men and AIDS is leftover religious bigotry. Once again, Christianity fucks the world over and is allowed to do so.You stupid modern Christians can keep telling me that the bible does not promote homophobia, but we both know that’s a lie, and always will be no matter which millennia we are in, so tell it to someone with weaker principles than me. You know what I say to you? I say Ave Satanis, you wasting disease. Just shrivel up and die already, and leave the world to rectify all the shit that you have imposed on it.
But that aside, I feel the need to point out that homosexuality may not be illegal here, is sure is in other countries. Nigeria, for example, there, you can be imprisoned for five years for doing as little as being present at a gay wedding, or helping organise gay rights groups. And even in this country, it was only in the 80s that the DSM IV stopped classifying homosexuality as a mental disorder. Before that, it was seen as a ‘deviation from the mental norm’ also known as, a mental disorder. Now that was relatively recent…it still stings.
Did you know that it is also legal for hotels to turn away people who book by phone, if they reveal themselves as a gay couple? They don’t always do it, because thankfully, some hotels don’t care, but some do. But the really sad thing? It’s not illegal. Hotels cannot get into trouble for refusing to accept gay couples into their rooms, because it’s not against the law. It’s discrimination. Again. And it’s NOT illegal. Again. This hurts my head.
Now homophobia comes in many other forms. The most common example, and the one that makes me want to kill things the most, is the following. “That test was so gay!” “Your football team are a bunch of gay boys” “My car is playing up, it’s being really gay.” All these are things that I have heard countless times and am still hearing everyday. This might well be the single example of homophobia that hurts and enrages me the most, because I hear it all the time, and the fact that people do it so flippantly, without thinking, completely oblivious to the way in which they hurt people, is just painful.
I almost always politely tell the person who says it in front of me, to not say it. And if they carry on, then I might snap at them. If you don’t understand why this is wrong and should not be allowed, then you are really dense. It hurts. Because it seems to be acceptable to substitute the words ‘shit/piss poor/crap’ with the word ‘gay’. Does that make sense yet? How would you feel, if what you were, was another word for crap? I bet you wouldn’t like it.
Imagine this, if someone said something like “Oh my god, that TV show is so bad, it’s black!” with reference to people’s skin colour. Outrage? Unnaceptable? I think so. Sure it doesn’t make much sense. Or any sense at all, really. But neither does the use of the word gay as an insult. Just don’t do it. Gay should not be an insult. Just stop it right now. You have no idea how many people who are seriously hurting by being such a dumbass.
Now let’s talk about TV editing. Let’s take Buffy as an example, because to be honest it is the best one. TV editing and censorship. The watershed. You all know what these are. I am a huge Buffy fan, used to watch it religiously, and still do. I remember that when they were shown in England, they had a 6.45 showing, and a showing later on in the week late at night. Now the 6.45 showing was horribly mutilated, because it was edited. By that I mean, all the most offensive things were cut out of it, the strongest violence, the sex, the swear words, etc. Of course it made the episodes less enjoyable and it was annoying and there is no point in showing Buffy if you are going to edit it, but that’s not the point. The point is, the things that were deemed too controversial to show, were slightly, uh, revealing. It makes a reasonable statement as to our societies standards, acceptance, and tolerance. Or it might just be an indication that the BBC is weak and spineless and pandered to a minority, you decide.
Later on in Buffy, from season four onwards, they decided to develop a lesbian storyline, and turn one of the main characters gay. Now the complete ridiculousness that was this character doing such a U turn is not the issue, the issue was the censorship. As soon as the two lesbian characters got close to each other on the show, the complaints came pouring in. So in future, all love scenes between the two characters were completely edited out. This might not be a problem, if it were not for the fact that, the hetero love scenes, which were completely infinitely more ranchy than the gay ones, were left in. And no complaints were received, and they were allowed to stay. Add this fact, to the fact that, the show regularly showed people being killed, being brutally beaten up, having their necks broken, allsorts of similar things. And these things although edited somewhat, received no complaints, nor were they edited to the extent that the scenes involving two lesbians were. The scenes depicting hetero sex and brutal violence were allowed, but the scenes which consisted of two women kissing were not.
I think I have said enough on that matter.
Now for something completely different. Do you remember that band t.A.T.u? Did a few good songs, got to number one for a whole month, annoyed the entire nation whilst making the straight male population really horny, the usual. I’m not saying that they were a good band, nor do I think that they deserve any credibility as artists, or indeed lesbians. Because if they were lesbians, then I am in fact a Koala bear. Yes. Sorry to break it to anyone who didn’t already figure it out, but those two were as gay as a particularly strict Republican.
But the one and only thing that they deserve respect for, is exposing the BBC as being run by a load of complete fuckwads.
I want to talk about the BBC, again. And how infuriating and spineless they are. I used to watch Top of the Pops, that was before the music in this country had completely succumbed to a suicide inducing RnB hell that it is now. I remember that, TOTP refused to play the t.A.T.u video of All the Things she Said. We all know that it was because it featured two women kissing. And we all know that, when an artist is number one, TOTP has to play them. And if the artist is not able to come in and perform their song live, then they just play their video instead, that is they way it has always been.
I miiight, have been able to forgive them for their homophobia, if they had been able to provide a decent reason as to why they refused to show the video. Or at least admitted they were stinking homophobes. But they did neither one. Do you know what they did? They said that, the reason they did not show the video, was, and I quote “Because the video has already received a lot of airplay, and we thought that the audiences would be sick of it by now.”
Oh give us some credit please. TOTP has never ever used that excuse before, and never has, since. How often does TOTP refrain from completely overplaying songs or videos and annoying us all to heck? Never! Ever! So for the first time in history, they went and played some other recorded live performance and played it on screen in front of the studio audience. Which has never been done before, because it is just tragic.
And while we are on the subject, how many videos have TOTP played that featured almost completely inappropriate videos featuring raunchy scenes of a hetero nature, far more explicit than this one? Just think about people like Christina Aguilera, and her Dirty (no I’m not spelling it with three rs, you grammatically challenged losers) video? And Britney Spear’s Slave video? I know there are more besides. These were all shown on TOTP, and they are far more sexually explicit than t.A.T.u’s video. But of course, they are hetero videos, so I suppose that that is just alright then. You make me ill.
But this is not the bad part.
Yes, t.A.T.u were annoying exhibitionists. Yes they completely milked the whole ‘Ooo lesbianism sells’ thing. So they kissed in every performance, to get people’s attention. But I remember when watching the previously recorded performance that TOTP played for All the Things She Said, they did their usual thing, and went to kiss. Upon which, all the cameras completely cut away from them, and onto the studio audience. Think that’s bad? The cameras cut and focused on a hetero couple in the audience, groping each other with their tongues down each other’s throat.
…not only did I not need to see that, but I sincerely hope that the seriousness of this situation is not lost on anyone reading this. The camera cuts from two women kissing each other lightly, and focuses in on two hetero’s engaging in near pornographic activity. This was not just a mistake, they showed the same thing for the entire four weeks that t.A.T.u were number one. Over and over. In your face homophobia and hetero superiority.
This occasionally makes me want to break things, and occasionally cry at the injustice of it all.
When I say that homophobia is everywhere, where I really mean, is everywhere in our culture. From the fact that homophobia is both allowed and blatant in rap music, all the way to the dead/evil/gone gay person cliché. Have you ever heard of this cliché? If not, let me explain it to you. When it comes to TV series and films, almost all gay people, be they men or women, end up conforming to this cliché, because of dumbass writers, homophobia, and complete misrepresentation. Because when the gay people start to have good lives and happy endings on TV, that is when the complaints start to flood in. This is truth. This is why the cliché was invented, in order to pacify our societies desire to see the gay people get fucked over.
The evil/dead/gone cliché, is where gay characters in films and TV series, almost always die, go evil, or leave the show. Often they do more than one of these things.
Think hard. Can you name me one film about gay people, where they got a happy ending? I can only think of one. However, I can think of so, so many films where the cliché is applied. Over and over and over again…Here we go.
Buffy. - It happened repreatedly there. Tara died and Willow went evil.
Lost and Delirious. – the most unhappy ending ever. One lesbian went hetero, the other killed herself.
My Summer of Love. – another goddamned unhappy ending.
Eastenders. – will explain further on
Neighbours. – will explain further on
Brokeback Mountain. – I believe one of them dies. I have not seen it yet. Is the ending unhappy? I would bet money that it is.
There are other TV series where it applies, such as Ally McBeal and CSI, Xena, Dark Angel, and 24, to name a few examples. There are more films too. High Art. Heavenly Creatures. Basic Instinct, Mulholland Drive, to name a couple.
All these things and many more apply and enforce the cliché in all it’s glory. Which is that we cannot and will not have happy endings. Ever. Because when we do, people complain. Society does not want to see it.
The portrayal of gay characters in soap operas is…terrible at best. Boy George once said "Just because you have a few queers in Emmerdale, there is this myth that the world has become more tolerant. It doesn't understand us at all.” I concur whole heartedly. Now where soaps are concerned, ‘gay’ (I use the word loosely) storylines are used for one thing and one thing only. To boost ratings. This stinks. What we are is unacceptable to be shown in our culture, they edit us to near non existence, except, for when they need us to boost their ratings. Then they use us.
Think I am being harsh? I have examples. I pay attention to these things, even if I don’t regularly watch the soap. This sort of thing interests me. Take Eastenders for example, which I also used to watch, until it became…uhm…well here my lexicon woefully lacks the appropriate adjectives to describe just how much it this repetitive garbage sucks. But that is not the point.
A few years ago, Eastenders did what they deemed ‘a lesbian storyline’. Between the characters Zoe and Kelly. What really happened was, they were in a minibus that crashed somewhere, Zoe hurt her leg, they were stranded, they thought they were going to die, they kissed, and were later rescued. And then, they got home, were incredibly tense with each other, lots of “I’m not gay!” “You’re not?” “No, I thought you were going to die, I was kissing you goodbye!” *insert tears here* And then it was never spoken of again, and Zoe left a few episodes later.
‘Lesbian storyline’? I don’t think so. I haven’t felt more insulted by any other soap before. Guess what? The ratings went up when they kissed. Oh what a surprise. The thing that hurts, is they way in which this alleged ‘lesbian storyline’ was handled with all the creativity, skill, and dexterity of mentally retarded five year old. They made two of their girls kiss, in order to save their ratings, and then the bastards make a completely weak excuse and went back on the entire thing, like ‘Oh they’re gay. No wait we didn’t mean it!’ This complies with the evil/dead/gone lesbian cliché. Quite perfectly.
And we all know why the BBC did that, ladies and gentlemen, it’s because they have no backbone. They could not possibly actually make a lesbian storyline, that is just not allowed, for reasons stated above. Instead what they do do, is take lesbians in culture, use them, abuse them, and dump them, and go straight back into the hetero storyline. After previously editing them out of the world completely. We are naught but an abomination to be covered up, or a plot device that is not worthy of individual thought or attention or a substantial ending. Well thank you very much, we really appreciated that. You bastards.
They did a very similar thing in Neighbours, which I also paid attention to. This was terrible for similar reasons. Again, all the hype came, about the very first gay storyline ever in Neighbours. ‘Wow, first one in nineteen years, ooo, it’s going to be good, I bet the gay community will be so pleased for their representation…’
Here I am preventing myself from breaking things. Again.
Lana was…well, the actress sure tried hard, that is for sure. The fact that the writers were all hetero themselves, was so blindingly obvious I was almost rendered unconscious. Lana was just like a straight person pretending to be gay. She looked like a straight person, talked like one, acted like one…it was awful. She had a crush on Sky that made you want to weep. And they did exactly the same thing that they did in Eastenders. Unfulfilled, completely sad ending, which resulted in Lana leaving the show with her tail tucked between her legs. Oh my god, not again. The lesbian pops up, gets complaints, is badly represented, has a sad ending, and leaves. AFUCKINGGAIN! Evil/dead/gone lesbian cliché much? I think so!
Now there is another, ahem, ‘lesbian storyline’ in Eastenders right now, which I have not tuned into once. This is purely for the good of my mental health. Homicide is not something I would like on my CV, either. I know exactly what it going on without even watching it, thank you.
So yes, to conclude, I am an angry person and am particularly angry about this. The very idea that we will ever, ever achieve equality or anything close while things like these and more go on is preposterous. I don’t even really want equality any more. Why? Because it’s a stupid and unattainable goal and I want nothing more to do with the hetero world and people who have completely crushed us into the dirt and made us look like idiots for so long. You kill us, you make jokes about us, you use what we are as an insult, you edit us out of the media completely, and only bring us back into the media when you need to use us to boost your damned ratings. You say that what we feel is a mental disorder, you call us fags, you say that we bring AIDS, you make our lives hell, yet we still try to be like you.
I would rather distance myself from you and hate you then pander to be like you. Why should we want all the same things that you have? Why should we want gay marriage? Marriage is something that a man and a woman do. And we are not like you. Why should we make up some parody of marriage so that we can be like you? I for one want nothing more to do with you.
If you are still reading this, then kudos for reading my rant, you have some will power.
And oh my godd, I wish I could write things like this for my essays. I just wrote well into 3000 words in one session yet it takes me days to write a 2000 word essay. Sigh.
Oh well. My essay on fairytales in English Literature awaits.
EDIT: It's now May, and I have recently seen Brokeback Mountain. One of them dies. Unhappy ending. What did I tell you? It's so predictable.
I'm Still Not Dead
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Love and Hate
Maybe it's because they feel the same, fundamentally. If you don't think that they feel the same deep down, then maybe you've never experienced either of them quite to the extreme.
These random thoughts stem from me watching a film, called Lost and Delirious. I'm going to spoil it in a few seconds, so don't read it if you don't want to. It's not all that well known, so you probably don't know it. I saw the first half of it on channel five a while ago, but I missed the ending so I bought it later on so I could see what happened. It's about two girls, called Pauliue and Tori, who are so in love that they almost can't see straight, until one day they get caught together, and Tori refuses to be with Paulie anymore because of her pious religious Christian parents who would kick her out of their lives if they found out. Even though Tori loves Paulie deeply, and they both know it, she refuses to be with the love of her life because of her parents, and even goes and gets herself a boyfriend who she does not want, in order to conform with their wishes.
Now Paulie is a very very...angry character. I like her. A lot. She's like, rage, in girl form. She's mad because her birth mother won't let her contact her, she's mad because she's bored with the system, she's just, well, angry. And Paulie's reaction to Tori's rejection is pretty intense to say the least. She does everything she can to get her back. Everything from reasoning to pleading to shouting to talking to trying to protect Tori from her parents to trying to hack off her own hair to standing on a table and quoting Shakespeare, and all the way to challenging Tori's 'boyfriend' to a duel, which results in her stabbing him in the leg. Go you girl.
This still does not work. Paulie is heartbroken that she has lost the love of her life, and also that her birth mother rejected her permanently in a letter. So at the end of the film she kills herself.
And that got me thinking about hate and anger and love. Paulie (she's played by Piper Perabo, by the way) is just such an explosion of emotion throughout the whole film. It's so amazing to watch.
I mentioned before that everything is relative. That nothing can exist without it's opposite. Good cannot exist without evil, things are not tall, unless there are short things around. People are not talented at something, unless there are more people around who are worse at the skill then they are. And love cannot exist without hate.
Because things need something that is their complete opposite, in order to be what they are and stay that way. This is truth and cannot be disputed.
I was thinking about people's reactions to Paulie. A lot of people would say she is a psycho. No one would say that she was just passionate. I would. Paulie was just passionate. She did all the destructive things she did, out of love. She wouldn't have hurt herself and others and killed herself if not for love. It wasn't just because of her intense rage and anger, it was because of what a loving person she was that she was driven to it. You cannot say that the two are not linked.
Anger and hate are just one kind of passion, as is love. They are both passion. ANd because of this, they are linked in ways that we can't understand, until we ourselves feel them. When we feel love for someone, be they family or not, so much so that you can't express it. And when we feel hate towards someone, so much that you want to hurt them.
Don't they just feel...the same to you? Think about the most basic things that you feel, physicaly, not mentally, when you love someone. Now think about what you feel, physically, when you hate someone.
If you think I am a psycho, you're not on my wavelength, and to me, you are naught but a passionless zombie. Go away, you shell. Haven't you ever felt it? Like when, you love someone so mush that you get that rush of...something inside you that I can't even describe, it's almost without words. When you feel that warmth and desire somewhere that seems to be really deep inside you that makes you get that funny feeling in your chest and throat that you can't define. It's just...warmth, and lift, that's what it is.
Hate feels almost exactly the same to me. Does it you? Hate and anger induces that exact same warmth. They induce that exact same lift, that exact same feeling in your chest and throat. They are so similar that it's quite frightening when you think about it. They feel exactly the same inside. Yet, they result in different actions being taken by you.
This is exactly the sort of shit that poets should write about. Heck I might do it myself, if not for the all consuming fact that, 98% of poets deserve to die a horrible horrible death for all the poetic talentless SHIT that they inflict on students, all year long, at school, at Uni, every year, year after year after year after year...I hate you, you damn poets. Wordsworth, Eliot, Whitman, Heaney, and you dozen other poets that I studied this year who I can't remember you names because you were goddamn awful.You should have had your hand crushed with a hammerstroke for all that shite you produced. I resent being inflicted with your garbage against my will.
So this is why I don't want to put it into another format. I lost my train of thought now, bugger it, you goddamn poets. Just die already will you.
So, yeah. Fundamentally, physically, hate feels the same as love. We do exactly the same things that we do in the name of hate, in the name of love. Paulie may have stabbed Jake, may have hurt people, may have killed herself, in the name of hate. But she also did it in the name of love. Both things are equal causes. Thin k about it.
And it intrigues me, but does not surprise me. Maybe humans really do have just one emotion in our repertiore and it is our incessant need to romanticise and decorate everything about ourselves, that just obscures this fact to us. But that's a thought for another day.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
*holds up cross* Hhhssshhhhhhsssssssss! Get back demon, back into the foul pit of Zs and ors that you came from! There's an American spellcheck on my microsoft word!
I noticed that throughout my essay, it kept telling me that I spelled behaviour wrong, said it was actually 'behavior'. Me, being in a rarely complacent mood, just went along with it. And then after the seventh time I got suspicious, and typed in the word colour, and when I saw the big red line underneath it, did I click. Color? It says color?
Thing is it wasn't like that before, I am so sure that it was English when I got it! And I don't know how to change it. I went to tools, language, and UK...but it is still saying that I spelled stuff wrong! When I type stuff it corrects it for me, like recognise to recognize. Hellllpp! I don't want my spellcheck to Americanize, uh, Americanise me!
Monday, March 13, 2006
However Wolfey has strange condition where Wolfey talks about Wolfey's self in third person. Wolfey does not know how long the effects will last for, Wolfey say await further notice. In the meantime, feel sorry for poor Wolfey. Wolfey is so desparate for new music, Wolfey downloaded ONLY album on Lusernet which was not RnB or rap. That album is Good Charlotte. Yes Wolfey is listening to Good Charlotte. Wolfey suddenly has urge to pull Wolfey hair over one eye and cut Wolfey wrists. Feel sorry for poor Wolfey.
Girls don't like boys girls like cars and moneeeyyyyyyyyy....
Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funneeeeeeyyyyyyy...
Please kill Wolfey with a sharp blow to the skull asap. I await your mercy.
Friday, March 10, 2006
I Love Dogs
Like the ickiness that is of playing with a tennis ball that is slick with drool. Or having to prise the slick with drool tennis ball out of your dog's mouth, because they think it's far more fun to make you wrench it out of their jaw then drop it at your feet.Dog hair in your tea, and dog hair in your watch and phone. I have no idea how is got in there!My doggie ate books one time...I was not impressed. And I don't mean, she chewed it up a bit, I mean she ingested three quarters of it.
Has anyone ever had the experience that is when your dog wants to go out, and it's the middle of the night, and you don't want to wait outside in the cold for them? But then they look at you with really big desperate eyes and stick their nose to the door, so you really don't have a lot of choice...
So you let them out, and then stand in the doorway of your back door and huddle and freeze your arse off while shouting and cursing. There is no "Come on, be a good puppy, make a puddle."
No, it is far more obscene. It's more like:
Me, shivering and freezing in the doorway while my dog is off in the darkness of the garden somewhere: "Molly. Hurry up, it's cold. "
*silence for ten seconds*
Me: Molly? I know you heard me, I know you're not deaf, you always respond to the word 'feed'. I know you can hear me, mutt.
*silence for fifteen seconds*
"Molly! Come back right now!"
*snuffle snuffle snort chew*
"Oh don't you be eating grass again you blasted pooch, I already fed you.
I'm cold and I want to go to bed. Come back here right this instant!"
"Oh for god's sake...*
And sometimes, if she was out there for like five minutes, the language got a bit worse. I won't repeat.
I love dogs.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The Realm of the Claw
Think about most comic book/graphic novel (yes they are both the same, you pretentious geeks, you) literature. Most of it is...well, about stupid action heroes. Spiderman, Superman, the Fantastic Four, Batman, etc etc all the same we've seen it all before. You've seen one goddamn hero wearing some damn variation on a lycra suit with a troubled past and a dual identity, you have seen them all.
You're all boring. Take that, you grossly proportioned lycra wearing pansies.
Now I don't like most comics. I like the Sandman series by Niel Gaiman, and especially his character Death. I love her. And, I like the lesser known series by Stan Winston, called The Realm of the Claw.
Anyway, dear old Stan got annoyed with having all his most famous creations, bought by others, and having his name relatively unknown while his creations were known by all. You would, wouldn't you? So he went and made some figures. His studios (note the s, it's not a type, he has more than one), aptly named 'Stan Winston Creatures, started to make their own branch of figures. They have several on the go right now,including Blood Wolves, Extreme Gargoyles, Trakk, and, my favourite, The Realm of the Claw.
Now if you didn't know who Stan Winston was (I said get out! I knew you wouldn't), or I just don't like you anyway, here is your chance to redeem yourself. Go look here
And then click on the collection. Then select a figure or six, and then use the mouse to drag them round in a circle so you can see them. And then...
...tell me those are not the most beautiful things you have ever seen. Ever. I dare you!
I have those, and they actually look like that...all of them. Stan Winston's idea of mass production is the same as most people's idea of individual care and attention. They are phenomenal. Quite large heavy things, too. Not only that, but they have more points of articulation than I can count, all cleverly concealed, but fully working. They also come suppled with several sharp well crafted weapons, and the best part, they come with two heads. One looking neutral and peaceful, the other snarling and roaring. Their paint job is fantastic, and each little bit of armour is made and applied separately to the body. The moss on the base looks like moss, Nakuru's eyes are the most beautiful blue ever, you can see all the little individual ridges on the roof of Kaela's mouth, Tare's claws are sharp enough to cut you...
Look this is just art at it's finest. Ever. And that is not just the manufacturing, the sheer fact that these are anthropomorphic creatures (anthros, anyone who does not understand this abbreviation, I dislike you even more now, just...go away) makes them better than everything else.
Don't argue with me. It does, I am right and I know it. Anthros rule. Tare could knock Batman out with one paw tied behind his back. Sabyr would just eat Superman for breakfast. Kaela and Zynda are proper catwomen, not like that stupid fishy lady with cat ears they call Catwoman. Nakuru would fall on Spiderman like a tonne of bricks and kill him. Tswana is somewhat more crap....but he's still cooler than even the best superhero all the mainstream JUNK can offer.
Yes I said mainstream JUNK. Junk junk junk. Anthros rool, superheros drool. Nyeh.
Anyway, dear ol' Stan, decided to make a comic book series out of his The Realm of the Claw series. He did this with several other of his creations, too. Now these comics, are the best in the world. Have I read all the comics in the world? No I have not. I don't need to, I just know. And this is my blog, this will be truth whether you like it or not. Why are they good?
Mostly the artwork is why they are good. David Yardin, is the artist. His artwork, is possibly the best artwork you will ever ever see. I aspire to be like this man so much. Look.
The whole thing is just phenomenal, it really is. Now there were scheduled to be six comics in the first series. Here is the storyline, summerised a lot.
Click here to see the main characters, in their anthro forms.
In the Garden of Eden, humans ruled over the animals. As they indeed did, according to biblical lore. Except, the humans were ruling unfairly and caring only about themselves, and not their subjects, the animals. Eventually, it got so bad that the humans were abusing their power so that they became tyrannical and all ruling, and the animals suffered for it. The Gods above them, were outraged. So they created some new beings, and sent them down to the Garden of Eden, to ally themselves with the animals, form an army, and fight the human tyrants. These beings were the cat dieties that you saw above. They first created Nakuru
And then they created Sabyr.
Sabyr and Nakuru turned the animals into an army, and waged war with the humans. The humans were almost all killed, and the remainder, were banished. They were banished into the world that we know today, and that is how humankind started. They were not created by God and then kicked out for eating an apple, they were forced out of the Garden of Eden by Nakuru, Sabyr, and their army.
But now the animals needed a new god, a new leader. So the Gods put forth a test, to see which out of Nakuru and Sabyr should rule. Nakuru passed the test, Sabyr did not. Nakuru ruled. Nakuru and Sabyr fell out, Sabyr killed innocent humans nearby, and Nakuru banished Sabyr to another part of his Kingdom.
Nakuru then had two sons. Tswana
Nakuru, tiring of ruling Eden, left his kingdom to go and live in the world of the humans for a while. He left his kingdom in the hands of his two sons.
Tswana was lazy and spent all his time enjoying the luxury that is royalty, until he eventually neglected his responsibilites, and left and went into the world of humans, to live as a human too. Tare stayed. Tare was ruthless and power hungry, and ruled the kingdom with an iron fist, killing any who dared disagree with him. The animals suffered.
When Nakuru returned to his kingdom, he was outraged. He fought with Tare, eventually besting him and near killing his son in the process. Tswana returned, to find his father almost killing his brother, and jumped in to stop them. Nakuru was outraged by his two useless sons, and banished them to the world of the humans, with no memories of their previous lives. Now they live their lives as humans, Tswana as a penniless animal loving zookeeper, Tare as a multi millionare trader who deals with illegal taxidermy and illegal hunting of endangered animals.
While this was happening, Sabyr bode his time and waited for the opportunity to overthrow Nakuru and take over Eden. Zynda
allied herself with him, and together they are plotting to kill Nakuru. However, Zynda is secretly in love with Nakuru. Oh the drama!
has allied herself with Nakuru, and, realising exactly what Tare and Zynda were trying to do, she has gone into the world of the humans, to try to find Tswana, bring his memories back to him, and bring him back to help his father fight Sabyr. But in the meantime, Sabyr has gotton hold of Tare, brought him back, and is currently training him to serve him and kill Nakuru for him. Sabyr plans to steal the kingdom from Tare, once Tare does the dirty work for him, but Tare does not know this. It is only a matter of time before Tswana is pitted against Tare, his own brother, and Nakuru will have to fight Sabyr, and Eden will either fall into the hands of good or evil.
Uhm, I think that covered it anyway. That is as far as the series has gotton, because, as I said, it has been cancelled in a crime against, well, me. And everything else. It's such an awesome story, you do not just cancel things when they are that good, and have so much potential!!
Anyway, that is why I am sad. And annoyed that such a great series will never fully come to be. Crime! I think I mentioned that. Oh well. CRIME! It's a crime because there are no good comic series, or action figures, nothing, that deals with anthros quite like this. I love anthros. Everyone should but they don't, you philistines.
Oh and it's my birthday today too, but I don't care about that.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
*Death by Yuffie, you unpleasant individual, Death by Yuffie.
Thanks Mel. ^_^
What? Me Punk Now?
Are you CRAZY?? I mean god, who told you that? Whoever they are, find them and slap them, immediately. that's like saying that Grimms Fairy Tales originated from Harry Potter. Like saying that LOTR originated from Eragon. Like saying that Poe is a wannabe Stephen King. I for one am going to defend the sub culture that I most identify with.
Do you actually think, that goth evolved from a bunch of leather wearing GREEN HAIRED obnoxious rebels with crap music from the 80s? Do you honestly think that it wasn't around before those punks?
Hah....haha. Ha, ha ha ha....hah. You're so cute.
The very notion of the idea that goth originated from punk is just...ludicrous. Just think about it for a minute, please? Goth culture was around not only most famously at the time of the Victorian Romantic movement, but before. It has evolved and diminished and flourished alternatively, since I don't even know when, but has always been here. If goth did not exist before the 1980s, then what the hell is gothic literature? Gothic classical music? Gothic cathedrals? Does the Notre Dame Cathedral look like a PUNK building to you??? What is Edgar Allan Poe, but a gothic poet and author? And Tennyson, too? Who the hell do you think Hildegarde von Bingen is, she's from the 1000s, you know! Gregorian chants mean anything to you? What about the gothic music from the 1300s? What about the gothic art from the pre Renaissance period? Go and read The Lady of Shallot and tell me what kind of literature that is. You say our music came from punk? I say go listen to Tocatta and Fugue in D minor, by John Sebastian Bach, fuckknuckle.
I don't think I can stress enough that goth has been around for many millenia before the word punk was even formulated.
Bastard child of punk, my arse. If you actually think that goth originated from punk, go and slap yourself. Knock yourself out, really.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Thoughts at One o' Clock in the Morning
Take the phrase – ‘An eye for an eye’ and put it next to ‘To forgive is devine.’ Both true and valid and meaningful theories. They may have biblical origins, which means that consequentially they must be ridiculed and metaphorically burned for being the unwelcome joke that they are, but let’s overlook my religious hatred for the sake of staying on topic. The point is, both these theories are taken seriously, despite the fact that they are completely the opposite of each other.
To add to the perpetual confusion that is the existing as a human being, not only do our most well known and frequently uttered phrases completely oppose each other, they also oppose themselves internally.
For example, the phrase ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ which I hear uttered frequently. This phrase may have origins in the pseudo karmical idea, that for every action, there is an opposing reaction, or something…it’s probably more like to have come about by the idea that, if someone gets you, you shouldn’t just get them back, because “two wrongs don’t make a right.” It’s exactly what teachers and parents say to their children, in the playground. “It’s against the rules for you to hit that boy back, little Jimmy, Two wrongs don’t make a right!”
Just ignore the fact that the little boy sounds like he is named after a penis, and think about this.
By this logic, sending people to prison is not amenable. Because, if someone kills someone, and you send them to prison, that is two wrongs, right there. The murder of a person, and the (consequential) confiscation of the freedom and liberty of the other person. Two wrongs? Yes. Do they make a right? Yes.
Durr durr. Confused?
I am not. Think about it mathematically. Think about negatives and positives. If you add two negatives together, you get a more positive number. What happens, if you add, -3 to -5. You get two. Two minuses, create a positive number. Do these two negatives (wrongs) create a right (positive)? I think they do. The maths, the only language that is so indisputable, that it is universal, hath spoken.
I just want to take this moment to say, that I, the supporter of literature and arts, have never advocated maths so strongly, and I never will again. Down with maths! Ad infinitum, et all, etc, blah blah blah…Anyway.
So why on earth, does the phrase “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Get uttered so seriously, and more importantly, get taken so seriously? When you actually sit and think about it, the phrase is just one big flaw, nonsensical both mathematically, and in practice. But is it sensible in theory, if not in practice?
Perhaps. Take the other saying; “There’s an exception to every rule.” It’s possibly the most interesting phrase invented by humans. It’s the only one that is true. Because, there is an exception to every rule. That phrase, is a rule itself. Which in turn, logically, means that there is a rule, out there somewhere, that has no exception. Once we find this, we will prove the rule ‘There’s an exception to every rule’ even more. Damn I like that rule, it’s powerful. It’s sheer existence enforces itself. Like cheese.
Except, this reinforces itself on a constant loop, whereas cheese just reinforces itself until the mice come. But enough about cheese.
So this means, that there is an exception somewhere, in the rule ‘Two wrongs don’t make a right.’ I wonder what it is? Where is this exception?
Does it refer to when more than one individual is involved with the conflicting party? Such as War? That must be it. When one country bombs or otherwise attacks another, that is most distinctly, a wrong. And the worst thing that a country can so, in terms of wronging the country when all it’s people are taken into account, is bomb or attack the aggressor right back.
So does the existing exception to the rule that is ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ exist, only when there are people involved, not a person? It looks like it.
I don’t know. For one it’s quarter past one in the morning. It looks like I am a philosophical biatch when I am supposed to be sleeping. My next question to ponder over, is whether white girls should ever be allowed to use the word ‘biatch’ in a serious sentence. Or indeed, white people as a whole. To some, this is a serious issue. For another time. I’m going to bed, bitches.
Monday, March 06, 2006
GHOST IN MY ROOM
There is a ghost in my room.
Yes, I kid thee not.
Me and some friends, were sitting in my room, minding our own business. And then suddenly, my friend Benny, points above my head with a quivering finger, and says
"It's a ghost!"
And I look up, seeing nothing, and go "Where? Where??"
And he says "In the poster!"
I still see nothing, and so he pulls out his mobile phone, and snaps a picture of the area above my head, making me very nervous. He hands me the phone, and I see, nothing less, than the ghost in my poster. It's chilling, I tell thee. It was staring at me, haunting me right into my soul, even though I couldn't see it we had photographic evidence that it was once there...
The ghost of the monkey. The monkey. The MONKEEYYYY!!
*coughs* Yeah there's a monkey spirit in my room. Probably got drawn in by the bananas in my drawer. Look!
Don't believe me?
I suspect that the little black blob at the bottom of the picture is my hat. See my proximity to the wild intangible beast? *shakes fist* THE MONKEEYYYYY!!
I could dance. And then I could dance some more. You know, if I wouldn't look like such a moron.
What's it like? Do you know that you are about to go, seconds before it happens, and do you experience overwhelming despair and helplessness, when you realise that you can't do anything about it? Do you fight? Do you not have time to do any of these things?
Do you see a light? A god? A grim reaper?
What do you think about, right before you go? What would your thought process be? What would my thought processes be? Who would you think about?
Whose face would you rather see, just before you die? Whose face, would be the last face that you ever want to see? Or would you rather die alone?
If you could say one word, before you died, what would it be? What would that word represent?
Are you ready to go? If you were told that you had to go tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you have time to do everything? Would you be relieved? Would you feel happy that it was all ending? Or, would you feel nothing, simply because, you would know that you would never feel anything ever again, and find that thought quite soothing?
How would you feel, if someone you loved died tomorrow? What if they died and you were in really close proximity to them, but were unaware of it happening, because they were just that little bit too far away? And they got taken away by other people, to a hospital, and you still had no possible way of knowing? And you didn't find out until hours later when your Mum tells you?
Think about how you would feel if someone you loved died. Picture it in full emotional and sensory technicolour. Then snap out of it and go and tell who you thought about that you love them.
I bet you would wish that you had been in a different place, closer to them. So that when they died, the last face they could have seen was yours, and not some stranger's. Because I know if I was going to die, I would feel better if I could see my family around me. Even just one of them. Good people, don't deserve to die surrounded by strangers.
Do you ever think about death?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Thoughts and Junk
I'm going to fail my Pscyh 102 course. No, I already have.
I have to do an English presentation on my birthday.
I was going to make an effort to ask out someone I like, but I found out she's seeing someone...ah well. Figures, she was hot, and interesting too.
I can't stop thinking about my Dad.
I want to go home. I can't, because I have three projects due in the next few weeks.
None of the few people I like on my flat are ever in.
Luke just choked me by spraying his lynx bodyspray whatever the fuck that was, near me. Now the inside of my nose feels funny.
It snowed today, it was like two inches deep, it was so pretty. But then someone I don't even know hit me hard in the back of the head with a snowball.
I hate people. People suck. Especially students. They are all immature obnoxious loud noisy gits. I despise you all. I mean it.
I need a hug.
I hope Helen likes her book.
My nose still feels funny on the inside.
I haven't spoken to Lucy for a while, I hope she's alright.
I love my family.
I want my dog back. I want to ruffle the thick fur on her neck and shoulders, and scratch her behind the ear 'til she falls over. I want Molly back.
I still need a hug.
I don't even know if I won't get kicked out next year. I need some certainty.
Nightwish are too talented for words.
But I need space. I see all the people I need space from and don't see the people I need to see. Bleh.
Why have I been cursed with bad skin since I was 13? That's seven years, man, give me a break. I can't do anything about it, I have tried everything. I just want clear skin. It was nice for a while when I burned it with peroxide every day, but I don't want to do that again, it hurts. Just give me a break, I'm 20 soon, I don't want to deal with stupid problems only young hormonal teenagers should get anymore. It's not fair. I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now, I don't want to see all the blemishes.
Why do people have to die? I mean, it just sucks, it really does. All the good people die.
I saw Alex today, thus proving that he actually does go to Uni.
I don't know what to say now.
I don't care.
I'm going to take my plasticine werewolf figure I spent two and a half days making and destroy it now, it's really not worth keeping.