Thursday, March 16, 2006

Love and Hate

Does anyone think that love and hate might be the same thing? I do.

Maybe it's because they feel the same, fundamentally. If you don't think that they feel the same deep down, then maybe you've never experienced either of them quite to the extreme.

These random thoughts stem from me watching a film, called Lost and Delirious. I'm going to spoil it in a few seconds, so don't read it if you don't want to. It's not all that well known, so you probably don't know it. I saw the first half of it on channel five a while ago, but I missed the ending so I bought it later on so I could see what happened. It's about two girls, called Pauliue and Tori, who are so in love that they almost can't see straight, until one day they get caught together, and Tori refuses to be with Paulie anymore because of her pious religious Christian parents who would kick her out of their lives if they found out. Even though Tori loves Paulie deeply, and they both know it, she refuses to be with the love of her life because of her parents, and even goes and gets herself a boyfriend who she does not want, in order to conform with their wishes.

Now Paulie is a very very...angry character. I like her. A lot. She's like, rage, in girl form. She's mad because her birth mother won't let her contact her, she's mad because she's bored with the system, she's just, well, angry. And Paulie's reaction to Tori's rejection is pretty intense to say the least. She does everything she can to get her back. Everything from reasoning to pleading to shouting to talking to trying to protect Tori from her parents to trying to hack off her own hair to standing on a table and quoting Shakespeare, and all the way to challenging Tori's 'boyfriend' to a duel, which results in her stabbing him in the leg. Go you girl.

This still does not work. Paulie is heartbroken that she has lost the love of her life, and also that her birth mother rejected her permanently in a letter. So at the end of the film she kills herself.

And that got me thinking about hate and anger and love. Paulie (she's played by Piper Perabo, by the way) is just such an explosion of emotion throughout the whole film. It's so amazing to watch.

I mentioned before that everything is relative. That nothing can exist without it's opposite. Good cannot exist without evil, things are not tall, unless there are short things around. People are not talented at something, unless there are more people around who are worse at the skill then they are. And love cannot exist without hate.

Because things need something that is their complete opposite, in order to be what they are and stay that way. This is truth and cannot be disputed.

I was thinking about people's reactions to Paulie. A lot of people would say she is a psycho. No one would say that she was just passionate. I would. Paulie was just passionate. She did all the destructive things she did, out of love. She wouldn't have hurt herself and others and killed herself if not for love. It wasn't just because of her intense rage and anger, it was because of what a loving person she was that she was driven to it. You cannot say that the two are not linked.

Anger and hate are just one kind of passion, as is love. They are both passion. ANd because of this, they are linked in ways that we can't understand, until we ourselves feel them. When we feel love for someone, be they family or not, so much so that you can't express it. And when we feel hate towards someone, so much that you want to hurt them.

Don't they just feel...the same to you? Think about the most basic things that you feel, physicaly, not mentally, when you love someone. Now think about what you feel, physically, when you hate someone.

If you think I am a psycho, you're not on my wavelength, and to me, you are naught but a passionless zombie. Go away, you shell. Haven't you ever felt it? Like when, you love someone so mush that you get that rush of...something inside you that I can't even describe, it's almost without words. When you feel that warmth and desire somewhere that seems to be really deep inside you that makes you get that funny feeling in your chest and throat that you can't define. It's just...warmth, and lift, that's what it is.

Hate feels almost exactly the same to me. Does it you? Hate and anger induces that exact same warmth. They induce that exact same lift, that exact same feeling in your chest and throat. They are so similar that it's quite frightening when you think about it. They feel exactly the same inside. Yet, they result in different actions being taken by you.

This is exactly the sort of shit that poets should write about. Heck I might do it myself, if not for the all consuming fact that, 98% of poets deserve to die a horrible horrible death for all the poetic talentless SHIT that they inflict on students, all year long, at school, at Uni, every year, year after year after year after year...I hate you, you damn poets. Wordsworth, Eliot, Whitman, Heaney, and you dozen other poets that I studied this year who I can't remember you names because you were goddamn awful.You should have had your hand crushed with a hammerstroke for all that shite you produced. I resent being inflicted with your garbage against my will.

So this is why I don't want to put it into another format. I lost my train of thought now, bugger it, you goddamn poets. Just die already will you.

So, yeah. Fundamentally, physically, hate feels the same as love. We do exactly the same things that we do in the name of hate, in the name of love. Paulie may have stabbed Jake, may have hurt people, may have killed herself, in the name of hate. But she also did it in the name of love. Both things are equal causes. Thin k about it.

And it intrigues me, but does not surprise me. Maybe humans really do have just one emotion in our repertiore and it is our incessant need to romanticise and decorate everything about ourselves, that just obscures this fact to us. But that's a thought for another day.

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