Monday, March 06, 2006

Morbidity

I wonder what it's like to die. I think about these things. Is it just like going to sleep? Does your whole life actually flash before your eyes before you go? Is it just like passing out, after staying awake for four days? Does it feel horrible? Cold? Does it feel nice, like going to sleep after a really tiring day? Or is it just...overwhelming nothing? So much so, in fact, that it is just...nothing. Nothing to describe. Nothing felt, nothing experienced, nothing seen or thought, in fact, no thought processes. Which makes it just pointless to try and describe.

What's it like? Do you know that you are about to go, seconds before it happens, and do you experience overwhelming despair and helplessness, when you realise that you can't do anything about it? Do you fight? Do you not have time to do any of these things?

Do you see a light? A god? A grim reaper?

What do you think about, right before you go? What would your thought process be? What would my thought processes be? Who would you think about?

Whose face would you rather see, just before you die? Whose face, would be the last face that you ever want to see? Or would you rather die alone?

If you could say one word, before you died, what would it be? What would that word represent?

Are you ready to go? If you were told that you had to go tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you have time to do everything? Would you be relieved? Would you feel happy that it was all ending? Or, would you feel nothing, simply because, you would know that you would never feel anything ever again, and find that thought quite soothing?

How would you feel, if someone you loved died tomorrow? What if they died and you were in really close proximity to them, but were unaware of it happening, because they were just that little bit too far away? And they got taken away by other people, to a hospital, and you still had no possible way of knowing? And you didn't find out until hours later when your Mum tells you?

Think about how you would feel if someone you loved died. Picture it in full emotional and sensory technicolour. Then snap out of it and go and tell who you thought about that you love them.

I bet you would wish that you had been in a different place, closer to them. So that when they died, the last face they could have seen was yours, and not some stranger's. Because I know if I was going to die, I would feel better if I could see my family around me. Even just one of them. Good people, don't deserve to die surrounded by strangers.

Do you ever think about death?

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