Sunday, May 14, 2006

Corsets

I just put my corset on all by myself with no help and now I am so proud of myself. I nearly dislocated my shoulders, but I don't care. Now I wonder how long I can keep it on before I start to get that feeling that's a bit like internal bleeding, but not. My record is seven hours. And I was up and about for all those hours. I felt like passing out. But I didn't, I'm hardcore! Or stupid. Take your pick.

No wonder all those Victorian women used to faint all the time. You know that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean where Kiera Knightly is getting laced up in one, looking somewhat in pain, and she says something like "Well women in London must have figured out how to not breathe!"

Amen to that. When it's done up right, you can't take full breaths, only half ones, or less. Your ribs just are not able to expand that far. If it's a hot day, you're going down. We're crazy. We really are.

Getting one of these confounded contraptions on when you have someone to help you is easy...doing it all by yourself is, uh, an experience. Mainly you look really stupid. It involves slipping the loose garment over your head, and then lacing it up in criss cross patterns, left to right, left to right, over and over, all the way down your back. If you know me you will know that my shoulders are already busted, so it's extra hard. And then, you have to perform these weird manouvres that look very similar to pseudo tennis warming up excercises, involving trying to pull the lace crosses tight across your back and waist. You end up twisting and spinning around on the spot and burning your fingers and swearing bloody murder a fair bit, let me tell you.

Why do I, and others who love corsets, do these things? For me, it's nothing other than the entirely acceptable reason that is 'It's, like bloody FUN!!'

It's just an experience that everyone should try. I know the idea of having your ribs restricted sounds horrible, but it's still rather cool...your torso gets contstricted and shrunk until you resemble one of those Disney heriones. Except you don't burst into song at the most sporadic moments about your dreams and desires, which I am only grateful for. I rather don't think it's my style.

It's not done quite as well as last night's attempt, I can tell this by the fact that I can breathe adequetely, am close to something that might resemble comfort from a distance, and my sides don't hurt. Bah. I blame still being tired from the previous ordeal, for my sub par performance this time.

I am getting better. If I practice enough, I shall be able to do it all by meself. That, or I shall dislocate my shoulders again. Either or! I shall press on.

The only downside, besides the lack of oxygen intake, is the fact that when you finally take the thing off, you feel like an absolute whale as you resume your normal shape. No matter how small you are.

Ho hum.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Danielle said...

Ah lovely corsets! They are quite beautiful aren't they. I have one. It's not the traditional type that has to go over your head to get on, but it's still a corset. Well, maybe some would consider it a bustier. Whatever it is, it's still nice. It has hook and eyes all down the front. Which makes it quite nice to get in to.

7:23 am  
Blogger Charlie said...

I want to get a corset ... Mostly to go under my prom dress, but I want one anyway.

June is going to be an expensive month for me ...

6:57 pm  
Anonymous Mel said...

I lurve corsets. Not being able to breathe properly is bad and it makes me wonder how one can wear a corset and you know... sit down.

I endavour to purchase another corset soon... a sexy black one.

6:40 am  
Anonymous Rose White said...

Corsets rock my socks. There is something so elegant and regal about wearing one, it gives you instant poise and posture. And makes your chest look fab!

10:28 pm  
Blogger Nicole said...

Yeah, corsets are nice and fun and all that. However, be very careful getting into and out of limos while wearing them....

*short version of long story*

First wedding, I wore a lovely dress with a nice (but fairly modern) corset. During ceremony, standing up: fine. Great. Looked wonderful, felt pretty. En route to reception, getting into limo: body got into just the wrong position, shifting the bloody thing up high enough that it was no longer at my waist, and I couldn't breathe worse than normal. Lots of pain. And then forget trying to eat the reception dinner; I was just tring to not fall over. =P


On another note, they make you look like te Disney heroines, but the reason you don't spontaneously burst into song is because you don't have enough air to do so. =)

5:00 pm  

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