Sunday, June 04, 2006

Highly important questions

I have some important questions.

So on the human body, there's the bicep, the tricep, and even the quadracep. But unfortunately this then raises one question of the upmost importance: WHERE IS THE UNICEP?! HUH?

One day, we, as a species, will wake up, realise that we don't have Uniceps, and run around screaming. Mark my words.

And why on earth is there an 's' in the word 'lisp'? That is utterly, utterly, cruel. Not being able to pronouce the very thing you have. In fact, anyone who says the sentence "I have a lisp." to you, is instantly a liar. Hum. Whoever decided that that word should be applied to that affliction did it quite in purpose, I know it.

It's like the word dyslexia being too damned hard to spell, even for someone who does not suffer from it. Somewhere, out there, there is a cruel cruel person who thought to themselves 'AHA! I shall give the disorder that afflicts people with inaccurate spelling, a really really difficult to spell name! I rule!'

Did you know, that the same person who invented the word 'dyslexia' was also the person who invented the word 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia', which means, 'a fear of long words'?

...no not really, I made that up. But I bet he was. Sadistic bastard. But seriously, what kind of person, would name the phobia of long words 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia'??? Surely they must have had the foresight to know, that the defintion of the very things that the sufferers are afflicted with would make them dive under a table in mortal terror?

That's cruel, man, that's so sadistic!

Same as the word abbreviation. It's too long. Someone should really abbreviate it. O wait! They already do abrev. it, they do that in dictionaries.

And the word superflous. That's the worst one. In my Art A Level, we had to write an essay on an artist. My evil she demon of a teacher commented on my paper 'Stop being so superflous.' in big red letters. I had never encountered the word before, so I trundled off to a dictionary to look it up. Apparantly, it means, to use long words or complex language where it is truly not needed. It can cause confusion or result in lack of understanding.

....

I like the word hypocrite, it's such a cool word.

I used to get really confused in school, when some of the idiot boys decided that they wanted to throw things across the room at each other. They would shout "Heads up!" and then lob tennis balls at each other and it was up to the rest of us to duck. Now I think that the very important pressing issue here is why on earth do you say heads up when you actually mean DUCK?? It was like

Idiot #1: "Heads up!"

Me: *thinking* 'Heads..up? Why? What are we looking at?'

*bop*

Me: "Ooowwww!"

Idiot #2: Dude, he said 'heads up, didn't you hear him?'

Me: ...


This makes no sense. No sense!

And a while ago, when I was talking to my friend on msn, she tried to spell phoenetic, and spelt it phoenetically. Why oh why is the very word that means 'to spell it like it sounds' spelt in such a freaking weird and unphoenetic way??

And howcome, when two things almost crash into each other but don't, we say it was a 'near miss'? They didn't nearly miss, they DID miss, they nearly crashed!

Did you know that gullible is the only word that's not in the dictionary? No, it's true, no one knows why.

And when I was in a Seminar, one person was talking about the overtones found in a poem by Tennyson, and another person was talking about the undertones found in said poem. It then dawned that they were the same thing. Huh??

Superflous is a superflous word.
Humans skipped the Unicep and went right on to the bicep.
'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' sufferers can't tell people what they suffer from, because the word is too long.
People with a lisp can't tell people that they have a lisp, because they can't say it.
People who suffer from dyslexia will most likely have trouble spelling that.
The word 'abbreviation' gets abbreviated.
You can't spell the word 'phoeniticallty' fenet - uh, phoenetically.
There's synonyms for everything, except the word synonym.
People tell you to put your head up when they mean put it down.
Undertones and overtones mean the same thing.
There's no other word for thesaurus.
Monosyllabic has five syllables in it.
Gullible is not in the dictionary. (Did you believe me? Did you? Did you? )
You look stuff up in the dictionary to find out how to spell it, when you don't know how to spell it in the first place.
Keanu Reeves is still getting acting jobs.

There's so many weird things and they all baffle my poor brain!

7 Comments:

Anonymous Mel said...

Hahaha!

"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary? I actually believed it for half a second!

And the fact that Keanu Reeves is still getting acting jobs is perhaps the greatest irony of all.

5:31 am  
Anonymous Rose White said...

Keanu and his amazing English accent in Bram Stokers Dracula. We have Gary Oldman vamping it up fabulously at an over-the-top-but-we-love-him-anyway Dracula and Keanu ruins it all in one fell swoop.

"we took the train to Bood-ah-pesht"

Why Keanu, why? Point Break was the highlight of you career!!

8:51 pm  
Anonymous Benny said...

biceps and triceps are named due to the fact theres 2 parts to them and 3 parts respectively or something arent they?

far be it from me to know anything about the human body, I never listened in biology... we just had our own theme days on our table. ask lou, how we used to laugh :')

12:10 pm  
Blogger Mike Moore said...

Funny stuff, Raevyn, as usual. You gave me my first smile of the day.

Mike

1:15 pm  
Blogger Kaitlin said...

AHAHAHAHA! also that speech impediment is insanely hard to say, even for those without a speech impediment!
explaining the intricacies of the english language to those whose first language is not english is so much fun. especially when you figure out that our idioms make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!
i mean, how the hell do i "keep an eye on the clock"?!
i may have stumbled upon your blog, but i shall keep an eye on it :D

10:19 pm  
Blogger Kaitlin said...

AHAHAHAHA! also that speech impediment is insanely hard to say, even for those without a speech impediment!
explaining the intricacies of the english language to those whose first language is not english is so much fun. especially when you figure out that our idioms make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!
i mean, how the hell do i "keep an eye on the clock"?!
i may have stumbled upon your blog, but i shall keep an eye on it :D

10:20 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

I have some horrible image of yoinking out an eyeball and placing it on top of it.

Thanks for the watch!

5:34 pm  

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