Wednesday, June 28, 2006

More Football Updates

Turns out that this hardcore anti-football girl here has now watched about seven football matches. I blame my friend Aaron, who has been vehemently and regularly insisting that the football is just not the same without me. Bless. He likes to mistake my vacant stare for rapt attention, my frequent yawns for gasps of delight, and my falling asleep during the second half for just not being able to take the sheer beauty of it all, and shutting down to protect myself.

Bless. He's good at this denial gig.

I've been doing lots of pointless things since my exams finished, I'm finding it quite nice. Occasionally it leads me to do stupid things because of sheer boredom. I like to call them 'abstract'.

Like the other day, when me and my flatmate decided to mess around with Aikido moves, because he was mourning the fact that he hadn't been to a class for a while. I have moved on from actually watching football matches, to having my wrists nearly broken. God I am bored.

I'd like to say he was teaching me, but most of the time I was just getting beaten up. Turns out that he knows a fair bit of it, even though he hasn't been to a class that he enjoyed for a little while. I'm found it hard to type for a little while afterwards, the bastard, my hands felt weird and hard to move after getting bent in ways they shouldn't. But oh it was fun, and I have learned a grand total of a few things. Bwa hah. Ph3ar me. Or, you know, not.

My first thought when he picked me up and lifted me over his shoulders, was 'Ack! This is so undignified! Putmedown putmedown putmedown!!' And my second thought was that I hadn't been picked up and thrown around like that since I was ten years old and I would playfight with my big sister's boyfriend, who was like a big dumb brother to me. Ah memories.

He put me down eventually. My flatmate, I mean.

Anyway, I am going to go back and ask him to teach me the lock he put me in, it's one where you grab the other person and then you absolutely cannot get up, no matter how strong you are.

Thing is, I had one hand free. And I'm practical, I carry a penknife with me and would have been quite able to remove it from my pocket with one hand and stab him in the back of the neck with it.

...

But I didn't.

There was pool involved in all of this madness too. Or rather, the football addicts I am now associated with like to go and play pool after they watch a match, while I stand and watch and try not to eat my own hair to relieve the boredom. I asked Aaron what the reasoning behind this playing pool after watching the football was. Apparantly, it is because it makes them feel 'manly'. Often, the word 'manly' is accompanied by a flexing of the biceps, and an audible "Urrrrggg!" of manliness. It amuses me to no end, but, you know, I am woman and therefore must nod and smile lest I cause upset.

It completely baffles me. Pool - manly? Well first of all, while being suitably 'manly', you bend over a pretty coloured psuedo velvet table and display your arse to the world. And secondly, you balance a long smooth pretty tapered stick oh-so-delicately on your fingers, and take careful and precise aim. Then, you gently tap a pretty white ball, and make it roll into another coloured ball, which then hopefully, rolls across the pretty velvetish table and into a hole.

...manly? Manly? Did I miss something? No, no no, 'manly' would be taking your pool cue and smacking your opponent around the head with it. The beauty of duelling with pool sticks did cross my mind once or twice (Oh fine. To be honest I thought of nothing else) but I feared that my radical interpretation of 'manly' might well upset the more traditional males.

So instead I satisfied myself with tapping and prodding the back of Aaron's pool stick when he went to take a shot. His exclamations of "Oy! Woman! Off! Stoppit!" brought a smile to my black heart. My next plan is to steal the pretty white ball and run away with it.

Oh god pool is boring. So is football, actually. Aaron insists that I am simply biased against all the 'ools' to which I respond, 'hell yes'. I shall be happy if I never see another 'ool' in my life.




Disclaimer: The Raevyn and her associates, do in no way advocate or promote violence against your fellow man with pool cues. Nor, do they promote or idealise, the notion that to be 'manly' is to smack said fellow man with a stick. Such notions are for musing and amusement purposes only and are not to be taken seriously. These musings are undertaken by a professional idiot with years of musing experience. Do not try this at home.

Also, The Raevyn wishes she had associates.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Talon said...

Arrrgh! No!

Cant!....resist!....must....read... more!

You should have a health warning on your root page. Its only fair to give us *some* warning.

Make sure it includes the words "Possibly Mad", "Addictive", "Contagious" and (if you can work it in) "Bob"

*silently curses crimsonrayne*

Better make that "Really Addictive"

3:30 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Haha, thank you very much, you're far Bob too kind to me.

Did Rayne lead you over here?

3:43 am  
Anonymous Talon said...

She only showed me the door.

I Just had to see this "Raevyn" she so adores ^.^

10:28 pm  
Blogger CrimsonRayne said...

Ack I hate football but end up watching it coz of work.Gah! I always beat up my male friends just because they think i cant. ^.^ how wrong were they. I would love to do some martial art but i'm too angry for it lol i just end up doing kick boxing. gets the anger out ^^

10:48 pm  
Blogger Nicole said...

*volunteers to be one of Raevyn's associates* =)

Pool is too manly. Just like golf is manly. *insert sarcasm here*

8:28 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

I also think golf is about as manly as lipstick. Rugby, now that's a manly sport.

6:31 pm  
Anonymous Aaron said...

Raven, the Euros have been awesome to watch, but just not the same without you. You must watch Spain; I vehemently insist!!

3:53 am  

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