Tuesday, July 25, 2006


"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to not exist?"


"That's a shame. Not at all?"

"N - Oh wait a second, do you mean, do I ever wonder what it would be like if I were to suddenly, inexplicably, irreversably just - cease to exist? To stop, and not start again? To cease to be? To one second be part of this karmical cosmic force that we call life (for the sake of simplicity), and to take solace in the fact that, I, am instigating a reaction to every single one of my actions, and (in accordance with the laws of Physics) in turn, fortifying the very notion that I, do, on some level, exist? And the next second, just, well, not?"

"Yes! Exactly that."




"I do."


"Wonder what it would be like to not exist. I think it would be nice, sometimes."

"Well that's just stupid. You can't sometimes exist and sometimes not. You either do, or you don't."

"Shame. Well I think I would like to stop. Existing I mean."

"Well it won't happen by you just wishing on it."

"Oh no?"

"No. An infinity of nos, in fact."

"Let's try it."

"Let's not."


"I said, let's not."


"Oh dear god, you're trying aren't you."


"Look I know you still exist, you ponce, I can see your full stops."


"Is it working yet?"


"It actually worked?"


"Oh god it actually worked, he's figured out how to go about ceasing one's own existence utilising naught but the power of his own mind and the untapped reserves of his brain that have as of yet been unexplored by the rest of mere humanity and I am in fact talking to myself."



"So sorry, was waiting to sneeze."

"Jolly good."

"Where were we?"

"I dunno, it's your dialogue."

"I was not existing."

"No, you were existing, you could still see your punctuation marks."



"I bet I could, you know."


"Not exist. I think it would be nice. I can remember what it was like. It was peaceful."

"No you can't. That's rubbish. No one can remember what it was like before they didn't exist. That's physically impossible."

"Well I can!"

"O rly?"

"Ya rly."

"You know, in standing here, nattering incessently to me, you are by a great and inadvertant misfortune, proving nothing but the all consuming fact that YOU DO EXIST and that all the holding your breath in the world will not change that fact. And also; NO WAI."

"What do you know, you're just one side of an internal running dialogue!"

"So are you!"


"I thought so."




Do the voices in your head ever spark up their own running dialogue? Mine totally don't.

Oh god I can't wait to get away from here and go back to University and perhaps pretend to have a noticeable purpose.

i was sitting in a u bend, thinking about death




it was nice, but, she's dead now

Emelnaerty, my daer Wsaton




Sunday, July 23, 2006

What does this mean? Oh god PLEASE HELP ME

A while ago now recieved a gift from a good friend of mine. I am obsessed with werewolves, and always have been, and for a long time have wanted something wolf related, say a fang or a claw or something. I have never bought anything, for fear of accidentally supporting the trade in illegal animal parts first hand. But this is (kind of) different.

My friend got it from his brother, who won it on an auction, from a man who found it on a small market stall in Surin, Thailand. I am very fond of it. It is a cut of wolf bone, made into a pendant. I tend to wear it on an almost daily basis.

It has some symbols carved into it. I am would very much like to know what they mean. I did hold out for a while and not wear it because I didn't know what it meant, but I caved after a while.

I do not know what language it is in. I do not know if it is a language, or runes, or pictures, or what. They could be for protection, luck, lycanthropy, or they could be a proverb. Hell they could be a curse for all I know. I have asked many people, and have not come much closer to discovering what it means. Apparantly, it looks like it is not Thai. Though it is similar to their alphabet.

Here are some photos of it.

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And because the symbols might be hard to see, I oh so skillfully (not) reproduced them in paint.

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I believe that the symbols are the same on each side, and only differ slightly because of bad handwriting or something.

Now, can anyone help me? Even a little bit? Anything would be good...what language it might be, or is definately not, has anyone seen anything like this before, anything at all. Does anyone know anyone who I can email who deals in this kind of stuff? I am quite desparate to find out the meanings, as I have had it for a long time now.

I have asked everyone...I mean everyone. I have asked all my friends. All my family. I have emailed the person it was bought from. I have emailed several people who specialise in occult and individual artifacts too. I have also asked almost any random person I am introduced to. And I have also posted this all over the internet, I mean, aaalll over, asking for help.

I am still firmly at square one.

It is taunting me, that is what it is doing. It is my one way ticket to insanity. It thwarts me on a daily basis.

People tell me to go look on Thai alphabet websites, which although I appreciate them responding, this is about as useful as a cat up a tree. Please don't tell me to look at Thai sites, unless you know exactly what the symbols are. They might not even be Thai.

I now have this feeling, that it is actually gibberish. I think that it was done by some sadistic bastard, sitting there, scratching random lines into the bone, chuckling to himself; "Hah hah! Those stupid foriegners are going to run themselves ragged, like decapitated chickens, trying to figure out what my completely random and meaningless scratches mean! Ah ha ha ha haaaa!" While his fez hat wobbles on his head while he laughs himself silly....

I don't know why he is wearing a fez hat. He just is.

If anyone has any ideas, I would be extremely grateful. Actually no I wouldn't, if anyone can actually tell me what these mean, or what language it is, I will throw off my anti religion status, and pronounce you my new God. I may even give you a shrine. No no, I mean it. I will be your loyal follower.

The bastard has made me waste, well, months of my life, that I could have spent doing things other then waving a wolf bone pendant in random people's faces going "Hi! You don't know me. But do you know what this means?"


Pleeaase heeeelllpp meeeee!!

You know apparantly, there are tribes out there, which are made up of, like, only twenty people, and they have their very own language. A unique language and culture all of their very own, for only a few dozen people. Apparantly there are a lot of these small tribes scattered across the world. And they are dying out slowly because of outside interference.

I suspect my pendant has been inscribed by one of these small tribes made up of only twenty people, and that tribe, has since died out. Thus radically altering my chances of ever discovering it's true meaning, from insanely slim, to completely impossible.

I - I think I want to cry now.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Blogs I'd like you to see

Here are some blogs I would like for you to see. If you appreciate good writing on internet blogs, or just in general, check some of these out. As well as being well written, they are hilarious enough to make me laugh like a moron. In this modern internet based world, there are millions of internet blogs. I will admit to following several, not all of them belonging to people I actually know.

I have been neglecting my own recently, due to being busy, boring, and having a lack of anything remotely interesting to say. There's no point in talking in these things if you have nothing to say. I often see those blogs where people just..explain what they did that day. They usually go something like
'Today I went to the dentist, and he told me that my teeth were pretty good. I was, like, really happy, because I thought that I might need a filling! But I don't, so I feel better now. And then I went to H&M and found this really cool top, it was £10 marked down from £15, so, I, like, got it! And then I went home and read for a while. Pretty boring day, really.'

...no kidding. I hate blogs like those...no one wants to know every mundane thing you do, every day. Unless, that is, they are your stalking you/bored enough to terminate their own existence through ALL CONSUMING SHEER BOREDOM/both at the same time.


These ones are different. If these people tell you that they went to H&M and bought a reduced top, I will, in fact, eat my hat. I'll eat several of them, actually.

I found the list on Lebatron's blog, and added a description to each. Links are below.

Lebatron's Blog. - Genius. Lebatron is highly funny, as well as being refreshingly well spoken/written/whatever the crap the term is in reference to the typed word. I have not finished reading everything yet (there is rather a lot) but I do appreciate his dark and snide humour and well placed sarcasm. I do like and recommend this blog. He may well be pleased to read this, or instead he may feel compelled to make retching noises, but oh well.

Tucker Max's Blog. - While I in no way promote or advocate or approve of such behaviour, it is rather..funny. To quote the author himself:

"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world."

Reading some of the stories while eating is inadvisable.


Tard Blog. - This blog was written by a teacher named Riti Sped. She is now retired, but Riti Sped was a special education teacher, who worked with children with varying, yet always severe, mental disabilities. She would be nothing but incredibly kind and supportive to her students while working, and I have no reason to believe that she was not an excellent teacher. However, her occupation is undeniably, rather emotionally taxing, difficult, and stressful as hell. This blog was her own harmless outlet for her pent up annoyances and stress that was brought on by her daytime job. Someone with such biting wit, excellent writing skills , and a hilarious internal running monologue, must be made known to the world. She is one of the few people in the world who realise that complaining, is in fact, an art form, a sentiment I wholly agree with and promote. I would like to point out once more that her thoughts written at the end of the day do not reflect her professionalism during working hours.

Maddox's Blog. - To quote the author:

This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.

Maddox likes to write. And complain. And complain well. This combination is pleasing to me. Lookit.

There's a few more I plan to check out and possibly recommend in the near future. In the meantime though, enjoy.

Friday, July 14, 2006

An endless supply of pointless quizzes.

These things do pass the time. More accurately, they give you something to do when you are trying to fall asleep, it's way past six in the morning, you know you should sleep, but you just can't. This will be uninteresting to anyone who is not currently stalking me/literally bored enough to eat their own eyeballs/both.

Well it gave me something to do.

10 random facts about me

10. Whenever I'm drawing I almost always stick my tongue out without realising it.
9. I know more about werewolves in all their formats than any person you are ever likely to meet.
8. I have spent almost 200 hours playing Final Fantasy X.
7. I have had black nails for at least four years.
6. I talk more crap then anyone else I know. In fact, often, I should not be allowed to talk.
5. I should have been a Satanist.
4. Sometimes I wonder if the world wouldn't be more beautiful if it was black and white. Visually, not figuratively.
3. That film 'Ghost' with Patrick Swayze still makes me cry. *coughs*
2. I have been playing Bloody Roar obsessively for nine years, and am rather proud of this fact.
1. One of my eyelids is heavier than the other.

9 ways to my heart

9. Share my appreciation of the macabre side of life.
8. Like werewolves. If you like werewolves, I'll probably throw myself at you.
7. Engage me in my desire to have sporadic and highly stupid conversations about nothing in particular.
6. Don't be like everyone else.
5. ...I'm not telling
4. Be passionate in your beliefs and convictions.
3. Allow me to indulge in making entirely random and weird non-mainstream romantic gestures involving organ music and black roses.
2. Six inches below my ribcage, slightly to the left of my breastbone.
1. Be content lying in one another's arms and falling asleep.

8 things I carry/wear every day

8. My hat.
7. At least three necklaces.
6. An air of complete and utter inattentiveness.
5. My spybook
4. Something stripey.
3. A black armband.
2. A vacant stare.
1. Volumes of hair.

7 things I hate

7. Religion.
6. Christianity.
5. Sci Fi.
4. Pulses. (the food kind, not the one that pumps blood around your body, I rather appreciate that one)
3. Boring people.
2. Chavs.
1. Sunlight.

6 places I've been

6. England.
5. Spain.
4. France.
3. America.
2. My own little world.
1. Various places outside my own little world.

5 things I want to do before I die

5. Draw the ultimate werewolf.
4. Figure out just how to become a werewolf.
3. Find my soulmate.
2. Find a purpose.
1. Aestivate at least once.

4 things I'm afraid of

4. Never finding my soulmate.
3. Chavs with power and/or brains and/or influence.
2. Crabs. Fuckingcreepysidewalkers whatkindofnormalthingwalkssideways anddoesn'tevenhaveahead??
1. That thing from The Grudge.

3 things I do almost every day

3. Wake up.
2. Do stuff.
1. Go back to sleep.

2 things I'm trying to do better

2. Be motivated.
1. Go outside during the daytime.

1 person I want to see right now

1. I'm not telling.

Name: Alice/Raevyn/Rae
Birthday: 9th March
Birthplace: Milton Keynes
Current Location: Wouldn't you like to know?
Eye Color: Greenish brown. Dammit, they are mostly green, I have proof.
Hair Color: Brownish..somethingorother.
Height: 5' 3". RAWR!!
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Oirish.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Vans.
Your Weakness: My utter lack of motivation.
Your Fears: Maintaining my utter lack of motivation.
Your Perfect Pizza: Cheeeese. Lots of cheese.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To not screw up.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I shall return!
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh crap, I'm still alive. ...not really. It's more like 'ug' to be honest.
Your Best Physical Feature: Uh..my eyebrows.
Your Bedtime: When the sun comes up. No really.
Your Most Missed Memory: What the crap is a missed memory?
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Always coke.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Preferably neither.
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Ew. No. Just no.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: To this day I am not entirely sure what a cappuccino is.
Do you Smoke: Only when I'm on fire.
Do you Swear: I have been known to curse like the Irishwoman I am on occasion, yes.
Do you Sing: Hah...hahaha...hah.
Do you Shower Daily: Almost.
Have you Been in Love: Yes.
Do you want to go to College: Been there, done that.
Do you want to get Married: Not as of yet.
Do you belive in yourself: Crap no, I'm currently an unmotivated scruffbag with limited uses.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope.
Do you think you are Attractive: I have been described as hot a few times over the past week, I believe that said people were highly inebriated.
Are you a Health Freak: HAH! No.
Do you get along with your Parents: Mostly.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes. Oh yes.
Do you play an Instrument: I play the violin. I use the term 'play' in the loosest possible sense of the word. Like, so loose, that you released your grip on it ten minutes ago and it's now tumbling towards earth gaining more and more velocity every second before it hits the ground with a resounding SPLAT
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: There may have been some alchohol involved, yes.
In the past month have you Smoked: No.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: No.
In the past month have you gone to a mall: No, there's no malls here, this be Engerland.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Not according to my knowledge...
In the past month have you been Dumped: No.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Fuck no!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nein
Ever been Drunk: Never.
Ever been called a Tease: Not to my face.
Ever been Beaten up: Not really.
Ever Shoplifted: No.
How do you want to Die: Quickly.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Anything that I'm not now.
What country would you most like to Visit: No where in particular.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Just so long as they're not yellow and pink then I'm easy.
Favourite Hair Color: Brown or black.
Short or Long Hair: Both are fun in different ways.
Height: Eh, you're quite guaranteed to be taller than me, so why be fussy.
Weight: Not sure.
Best Clothing Style: Not boring. Oh gosh I loathe people who dress like they have no imagination.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Does paracetamol count?
Number of CDs I own: Who cares?
Number of Piercings: Uh..12? I think. I'm not sure.
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A few, but ah well

1) How old do you wish you were? 20. Oh yay!

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened? Walking home from School.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Curse it's mother.

4) Do you consider yourself kind? I am not unkind.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? On my shoulder.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Humm. Japanese, maybe.

7) Do you know your neighbors? Oh yes.

8) What do you consider a vacation? The wrong word for 'holiday'.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? Hah.

10) Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.

11) Are you touchy feely? It depends entirely.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? Wha?

13) Dream job? Computer game tester. Those jobs actually exist, you know.

14) Favorite channel(s)? TV is boring. Although I did watch that Only Fools on Horses program last night. Ahhh, the great British tradition of clinging desparately to half a tonne of speeding animal while jumping over things. God we're crazy.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? I dunno, that's such a naff question.

16) Showers or Baths? Baths. You bleed less while shaving.

17) Do you paint your nails? All the time.

18) Do you trust people easily? Sadly, I suspect I do.

19) What are your phobias? I'm not telling.

20) Do you want kids? Not right this second, thank you.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? Of sorts.

22) Where would you rather be right now? Not telling.

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Werewolves devouring vampire's intestines. Awww...

24) Heavy or light sleeper? Once I'm out, I'm out.

25) Are you paranoid? Why? Who have you been talking to? Why are you asking? Tell me, dammit! Um..nno.

26) Are you impatient? If I was there's be more bodies.

27) Who can you relate to? No one you know.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? The same way I feel about same race couples.

29) Have you been burned by love? Perhaps.

30) What's your favorite pick up line? Who uses pick up lines anymore? Pfft.

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Bzzzt. Bzzzt. It's on silent.

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? I can't remember what I was doing five minutes ago, let alone that.

33) What did the last text on your cellphone say? Dis thing, eet still sounds good in da Jameecahn accent, mon! ...don't ask.

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine.

35) What color shirt are you wearing? Black. Duh.

36) Most recent movie you watched? V for Vendetta.

37) Name three things you have on you at all times: MP3 player, spybook, penknife.

38.) What color are your bed sheets? Grey.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? Not sure.

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? What?

41) What's your favorite town/city? My home town.

42) I can't wait till: I find a purpose.

43) What's your favorite color? Blllaackpurple.

44) What did you have for dinner last night? I really can't remember.

45) How tall are you barefoot? Five foot three. PH3AR ME!

46) Have you ever smoked heroin? No.

47) Do you own a gun? No.

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water.

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Sheer accident.

50) Do you have A.D.D.? Not as far as I am awa - hey look a butterfly!

51) What time did you wake up today? About four in the afternoon.

52) Current worry? Oh too much to list.

53) Current hate? Moving.

54) Favorite place to be? With friends.

55) Where would you like to travel? Not particularly.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Noo idea.

57) Last thing you ate? Ryvita. It may taste like sand, but dammit, I like it.

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? Sing? Moi? Not likely.

59) Last thing that made you laugh? Football. They're all such pansies.

60) Worst injury you've ever had? Dislocated shoulder.

61) Does someone have a crush on you? I know at least two people do.

62) What's your favorite candy? We don't have candy here. We say sweets, we do.

63)If you could have surgery of any kind, what would it be? Humm. If it's for practical reasons, I would fix my broken shoulders.

64)If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd like to come up with something deep and profound and restrospect here, but in reality, I'd probably just give myself pointy ears.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I return

I return. Was not away for as long as I thought I'd be.

I was going to write a list of the things I have been up to, but it's too hot to sit here and this abominable sunshine has melted the remaining few cognitive processes that I still had functioning. Anyway, some parts of my adventures involved a spiders nest.

Some parts didn't.

It's a good job I'm not scared of spiders.

Cookies are to be awarded to the first person to notice I'm back.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Random Shoutouts

I have a few things to say. Some are to specific people who I know will read and acknowledge, some are to anyone who cares.

Firstly, to Luke. Aka The Reverse Victorian Woman, My Flatmate, The Small Creature, The Kiwi Penis. (don't ask) Have a great time in the Lake District, and take care when you spend your summer in Spain. If you don't go into at least one art museum I will kill you. Also, since you asked me to mention you in my blog, if you don't comment within a month or so, I will track you down and kill you some more. I know where to find you. I'll just follow the goddamned Lynx smell and the cookie crumbs. Like in a fairytale.


But I will still kill you. Email me and tell me how you're doing, bitch.

To Aaron - I haven't written an entry on The Guns as of yet. I might do when inspiration hits me. Or I might just invent more girly names for them and emasculate you further. You just never know with me. But then again, you are an honourary woman/lesbian, so it's okay.

To Josh - it's a bun. It has always been a bun, and always will be. It is only a doughnut, if it has a hole in it. If it has no hole, it is a bun. This fact is now published on teh interwebz, therefore, it must be true.

To anyone who cares - Mixing tea and coffee together is good. It brings nice things to the tastebuds. My friend came up with the name 'Cofftee' which made me laugh for a shameful amount of time. Like, for more than five seconds. Alas.



Also, this is funny. Laugh.

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Over and out