Friday, September 15, 2006

Things that suck

I'm not dead.

I swear.

Here are a list of things that suck, in no particular order.

50 Cent - I can't understand a word you're saying, and you look like you were once really good looking but then your face got hit by a train.

Justin Timberlake - You are not black. Stop trying to be black, and tell Eminem that too, while you're at it.

Murder Mysteries - Eventually, you will realise that there are only so many ways in which to kill someone, and only so many people that could have dunnit. Stop making them!

Poetry that doesn't ryhme - Poetry is meant to rhyme. That's not small mindedness, that's fact. If it looks like prose, then it's crap poetry. Wordsworth has a lot to answer for.

Belly button piercings - Yes let's stab ourself in the belly, that's sensible. What's the point of doing that if you're going to cover it up 99% of the time?

Art Neuveau/Art Deco - both highly pretentious and poncy names for something that is essentially a swirly pattern.

Children - Children are annoying, and there are very few exceptions to this rule.

The Harry Potter films - kill me now.

Ballads - If you like something so much, just shag it already, don't bore the rest of the population to tears with your soggy sentimental crap.

People who eat chinese food with chopsticks who are not English - Firstly, the food you have just bought it not chinese food, because it was made in England. Unless it was imported in specially from china, it is English. Deal with it. Secondly, trying to eat this with chopsticks is just kidding yourself, for two main reasons. One: You're trying to make yourself feel cultured, when doing this makes you no more chinese than drinking Guiness and thinking you're irish. Two: It's stupid. Chopsticks, are stupid. Eating with them, is like trying to eat with a fork that has a pivot on it, or a spoon that has holes in it, or a knife that bends in a dozen places. It's difficult and it's daft and it't just like mowing grass with a pair of nail scissors when there's a lawnmower right next to you. Why would you do it. THIS KEEPS ME AWAKE AT NIGHT

37 Comments:

Anonymous DV said...

[i]50 Cent - I can't understand a word you're saying, and you look like you were once really good looking but then your face got hit by a train.[/i]

...Rae, the guy was shot nine times including one bullet through the cheek...

[i]Justin Timberlake - You are not black. Stop trying to be black, and tell Eminem that too, while you're at it.[/i]

...wholely agree JT is a tosspot, however Eminem has his reasons...

[i]Murder Mysteries - Eventually, you will realise that there are only so many ways in which to kill someone, and only so many people that could have dunnit. Stop making them![/i]

...bet noone has come up with "the poolboy in the gazzibo with a fish" yet...

[i]Poetry that doesn't ryhme - Poetry is meant to rhyme. That's not small mindedness, that's fact. If it looks like prose, then it's crap poetry. Wordsworth has a lot to answer for.[/i]

...Hissssssssssss! Rhymes are rhymes - poetry is an expressive burst of emotion like any form of art (including cooking)...

[i]Belly button piercings - Yes let's stab ourself in the belly, that's sensible. What's the point of doing that if you're going to cover it up 99% of the time?[/i]

...guessing owners of such body fashion would be they same people whom dont own a single top that reaches pass their navel. As for stabbing oneself in certain body parts.....*cough* lips *cough* nose *cough* :D....

*[i]...suddenly has frightful vision of being Prince Alberted during the night ouch!...[/i]*

[i]Art Neuveau/Art Deco - both highly pretentious and poncy names for something that is essentially a swirly pattern.[/i]

...should meet my artist friend a few of her pieces resemble a dark morbid version of Deco...

[i]Children - Children are annoying, and there are very few exceptions to this rule.[/i]

...hay i have a niece and nephew - so totally agree with you...

[i]The Harry Potter films - kill me now.[/i]

*[i]...pushes Raevyn out of the way...[/i]* Im first...

[i]Ballads - If you like something so much, just shag it already, don't bore the rest of the population to tears with your soggy sentimental crap.[/i]

...give me "Fairytale in New York" anynight......especially on Christmas Eve...

...as for the last subject - its all in the fingers, and can be fun when enjoyed with another..... :devil

11:54 pm  
Anonymous The Utterly Wonderful Col said...

You're utterly wrong about Art Deco. I'll forgive you, though. This time, at least

1:01 am  
Anonymous Scarlet Phoenix said...

Im with dv, "...Hissssssssssss! Rhymes are rhymes - poetry is an expressive burst of emotion like any form of art" Please dont judge us all by Wordsworth.

And chopsticks, well its all an appreciation thing, also if you happen to travel its immensly respectful to attempt to comply with said countries culture, for example when I went to Singapore the people I stayed with were actually very pleased (and impressed)that I made the effort, and if I hadnt learnt here then I wouldnt have been able to that.

Scarlet Phoenix

P.S You're just jealous cos you can't work them.

P.P.S I think simulatnious suicide is the only way to go with Harry Potter films. That or kill them all...hmmmm.....lend a hand?

3:51 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Curse you people for inflicting logic upon my brain drippings!

Hell yes I'm jealous because I can't work them. That however does not excuse the fact that they are a very roundabout way to eat something when it could otherwise be really easy. With a fork. Another food that could otherwise be simple, is spaghetti. Pasta in long, long thin strips that require you to direct at least seventy percent of your mental functions into being able to eat it without wearing it at the same time...GAH! It's silly! Why can't we just eat pasta in small chunks, like sensible people, not in strips several feet long! Mutter mutter grumble grouch

Art deco is evil. I have scars on my hands from trying to replicate art deco with linoleum and wood. Scars! Well okay, I've only got one scar, on my thumb, but the point is I was stabbed with a knife and it was all art deco's fault.

4:58 pm  
Anonymous DV said...

...How dare yhee! - may you whip by a thousand cat'o'nine tails made of wheat and eggs!...

...still allow i to suckle thee scared wound (attempts to conceal fangs upon approach)...

8:58 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Não.

...that's portugese for 'no'.

9:12 pm  
Anonymous DV said...

...che cosa se permetto che lo sculacciiate con un pesce?...


...and that is italian for -
what if i allow you to spank me with a fish?... :D :D :D

11:36 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Nein. That's 'no' in German.

Non. That's 'no' in French.

N po. That's 'no' written in the code invented by Steve Jackson in Creature of Havoc.

Well - I - Iiiii - I I Iii - well I - uh I Iiiiii uh - well - I - No. That's 'no' said by Hugh Grant.

No nada not a chance never negative not-confirmed disinclined rejected nooooooooo. Those are all variations on the word of the day

And Oh my god STOP bringing your own personal level of deeply disturbing smut onto MY blog!

12:01 am  
Anonymous DV said...

...hehehehheheheheheheheheheheeh!...

12:46 am  
Anonymous dv said...

...cesserò quello bello...

;)

1:11 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Sorry, wot?

1:12 am  
Anonymous The Famous Col said...

Scars are good, my dear little kittenesque ball of rage. And Art Deco is the finest style EVER. Architecturally and design-wise, anyway. You remember Batman, the first one? Yeah. Fuck YOUR theory.

4:12 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Your face!!

4:14 am  
Anonymous The delicious Col said...

NO U

4:14 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Alice > Col

4:15 am  
Anonymous The Famous Col said...

O RLY

4:16 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

YA RLY

4:16 am  
Anonymous That Col Guy said...

Do you want a wolfey, raveny, cleverly-realised Halloween (better than Christmas) present or not, young lady? Huh? HUH?


Thought so

4:17 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Msn convo between The Raevyn and The Famous Col, conducted on the 17th Sept, 2006, between the hours of 04:51 and 04:52. All quotations are unedited and whole -

The Famous Col to The Raevyn: "See, now I'm getting stuck as to your christmas present. I originally only had the one idea, and now there are two, and it's V. Tricksy"

Raevyn to Col: "Xmas present? Oh my, you don't have to do that, m'dear!"

Col to Raevyn: "Oh, no, no, when I am struck with inspiration, I have to follow through. Even if we end up hating one another, your present will be created and realised completely."

Oh yeah.

4:25 am  
Anonymous The Famous Col said...

Buggrit.

One of these days, Alice.... One of these days....

4:26 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSER?

Disclaimer: The Famous Col is a lovely handsome floppy haired romeo shaped charmer and I mean him no harm by throwing his msn conversations back at him and besting him totally

4:32 am  
Anonymous The Famous Col said...

Gentle reader, if this woman wasn't an official member of my retinue, and possesses both legwarmers AND footless tights (Blog entry of 8th August, 2006 - "Colin also thinks that footless tights are good and sexy, whereas I just think they look like proper tights that got chewed by a puppy." ), I'd, erm. Make vague and empty threats?

TO THE MOON, ALICE! TO THE MOON!!

4:41 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Soddit.

You're lucky I'll still wear them for you. I'd say I won't do that now, but you'd only find some sentence somewhere otherwise to show me up.

Fie on you. Fie, I say. I don't really know what that means, but fie!

4:49 am  
Anonymous Absolutely Not The Famous Col said...

Haha! I win! I win the argument, I get to see you in lycra, and, AND, I shall use this ancient, uh, Greek insult to sum up proceedings:

EAT A BAG OF HELL

4:51 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Same to you, with knobs on.

4:55 am  
Anonymous The Famous Col said...

It's people like you that cause wars

5:02 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...on the phone to NHS Direct...

...yeah they're still going at it...

...nah doubt that will knock them out...

...yeah but a charging rhino has 1% scare factor compared to these two...

...you've never been faced with a psychoti magpie with a blender have you Nurse Betty?...

...ok i'll try the St Jhon's Wart, bye bye...

...begins brewwing...



....oh and before i forget...

...rips of robe and joined by a row of dancers out of nowhere, commences a naked riverdance line...

had to throw that in muahahahhah...

9:51 pm  
Blogger CrimsonRayne said...

Wow this is a really funny read it's cheered me right up this has! Rae you rock as always!

All I can say about 50 Cent is that damn birthday song is a load of balls just like the rest of your strangled attempts to sing.

JT Needs to die in a horrifying way really soon.

I have to be ashamed to admit but I like Whodunnits Woe is me but I do.

I love poetry in any form. Rhyming ones are more fun though.

*cough*Has a belly piercing*cough*

I absolutly see where your coming from with the deco thing.

Children Eeek!! *wants to drop kick them all*

Harry Potter films.......I'll remain silent on that one.

Ballads are boring and sickly not a fan.

I try to use chopsticks I really do, I end up with more food on my lap then in my mouth. Kinda annoying but fun all the same, Peeves me off when I go out to eat Sushi and my friends can use them when I can't.

Go Rae Go!! *waves black pom poms* Death to cheerleaders!!!

4:45 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Haha, thank you Rayne. The mental image of you dropkicking small children has left me with a smile on the inside, so it has.

12:12 am  
Blogger Nicole said...

Being half-Chinese, I do have one comment on chopsticks - (once you get the hang of them) it's alot easier to snag food from other people's plates with chopsticks than with a fork...

~bookwyrm

12:08 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your thinking there!! 50 cent yes...twat! JT twat children twats...see where im going with this!! Love you hunny!

Lydia xxx

11:05 pm  
Anonymous DV said...

...twat them, twat them all i say muahahahaha!!!...

...goes in hunt of JT with a hyperdurmic neddle...

4:25 pm  
Anonymous DV said...

...twat them!!! twat them all i say muahahahah...

...goes in hunt of JT with a hyperdurmic needle...

4:31 pm  
Blogger brok3n po3t said...

5 reasons to kill yourself

1. shameless self promotion
http://suicid3hotlin3.blogspot.com/
2. people who dont recognize your brilliance
3. things that smell like grandma
4. receding hairlines
5. writers block

2:29 am  
Anonymous Crys said...

Ok, I've got to comment on the chopsticks thing! Chopsticks were invented before forks. And so much easier to make, wash, and clean than forks. Practice makes perfect!

Love your rants as usual, Raevyn. :) Even though this is the first time I stepped inside this blog, I've been following your rants in the KA board. Seriously fun stuff. :D

PS:

4:13 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

Thank you! I feel rather put in my place now where chopsticks are concerned. It seems I am the only one who does not enjoy picking up many small grains of food at once with sticks.

7:10 pm  
Anonymous Crys said...

*whispers*

I can say oh-so-smugly all those stuff because I grew up using them. There's plenty of native Chinese enthicity who can't use them either.

Chopsticks can also train your fingers to listen to you. :D

3:22 am  

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