Monday, October 30, 2006


I like to call it, 'The Materialisation of the Tentacle.'

All will become clear soon. Or by soon, I may in fact mean whenever I feel like it. You just never know. In the meantime, here's a few handy ways in which to kill yourself. From the depths of my ever-procrastinating brain firings -

Want to self destruct? Had enough of life? Yes, I'm talking to YOU. It doesn't have to be difficult to shuffle off this mortal coil. But if you're having difficulty, here's a few handy hints on how to die quickly.

Walk into a Transformers convention, stand on the soap box, and loudly pronounce "I liked Optimus Prime better when he was a gorilla." and then proceed to follow the light after being pummelled by several dozen angry nerds.

Amble into a Liverpool football club appreciation society, take a deep breath, shout "COME ON YOU REEEE - EDDDDDSSS!!" and then be sent flying through the nearest window by approximately two hundred football boots.

Roll into a Slipknot concert wearing a Linkin Park hoodie. God? Is that you?

Find Sylvester Stallone, say you loved his work in Terminator, and ask for his autograph.

Go to a Star Wars convention dressed as Darth Maul, then poke Darth Vader in the eye.

Ask Cheryl Tweedy for money, and then don't duck.

More to come. Maybe. I don't know.

Good luck kiddies!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Who says students don't learn stuff at University?

The following announcement was stolen from a noticeboard in a coffee shop on my campus, stowed away under my jumper while I scurried through the rain, and is now here for the personal amusement of many. It is a genuine informative artifact, and has not been altered by me in any way. 'Cept the raindrops.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The best part, is they even sprinkle little apostrophes on top of the paninis, for an extra 20p.


What I want to know is, howcome the teas, coffees, paninis, and toasties get apostrophes, but the crisps and snacks don't.

Monday, October 16, 2006

A Warning

If you like to wear nail varnish


You need to take it off, so you use nail varnish remover


You have a fresh cut on your fingertip

Do not


Get nail varnish remover in your cut

Because then


You will learn some new words

These words may include, but are not limited to -


Oh, *beep beep* the oh my this *beep* hurts


And my personal favourite


You may acquire some new skills as a result, these may involve, but once again are not limited to -

Hopping about clutching your finger

Running your digits under a cold tap, to have the pain momentarily soothed but brought back with a vengeance upon removal of said digits from the flow of cold water

And learning how you never knew how difficult it was to type without using the index finger on your left hand

Here ends this public service announcement