All will become clear soon. Or by soon, I may in fact mean whenever I feel like it. You just never know. In the meantime, here's a few handy ways in which to kill yourself. From the depths of my ever-procrastinating brain firings -
Want to self destruct? Had enough of life? Yes, I'm talking to YOU. It doesn't have to be difficult to shuffle off this mortal coil. But if you're having difficulty, here's a few handy hints on how to die quickly.
Walk into a Transformers convention, stand on the soap box, and loudly pronounce "I liked Optimus Prime better when he was a gorilla." and then proceed to follow the light after being pummelled by several dozen angry nerds.
Amble into a Liverpool football club appreciation society, take a deep breath, shout "COME ON YOU REEEE - EDDDDDSSS!!" and then be sent flying through the nearest window by approximately two hundred football boots.
Roll into a Slipknot concert wearing a Linkin Park hoodie. God? Is that you?
Find Sylvester Stallone, say you loved his work in Terminator, and ask for his autograph.
Go to a Star Wars convention dressed as Darth Maul, then poke Darth Vader in the eye.
Ask Cheryl Tweedy for money, and then don't duck.
More to come. Maybe. I don't know.
Good luck kiddies!