Sunday, October 19, 2008


I like books.

No, really? Will probably be the first response to spring to mind of anyone who has spent more than two seconds in my company. Occasionally I even wonder if I like books more than people, with a few exceptions.

I also like language. I am what is commonly described as (and popularised by 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves') a stickler. I start to levitate from sheer rage whenever I see a spelling mistake or an abuse of grammar. Well, not really, but I try to. For example, in my hometown, there is a PC World. Outside of this PC world, there is a huge official printed sign with bright purple foot-high letters announcing


This sign caused me to ponder two things. Since when did a television become sentient enough to be regarded as a citizen, and was therefore granted the right to own possessions? What is this TV selling? Coffee mugs? Sheep? Biscuits? Stocks?

But most of all - how could a huge well-known company such as PC World fail to spot this mistake? If we judge their electronic equipment by the quality of their punctuation, I'm never buying a computer in there again in case it's a shell filled with sawdust. Speaking of being filled with sawdust, who the heck is in charge of their signs? I like to imagine that they're being hounded by dozens of obnoxious sticklers like myself, but the fact that that sign has been up for months leads me to believe that no one cares. What really pisses me off is the fact that I am currently struggling to find work, and somewhere, someone is getting paid money to print big purple signs that say 'TV's'. Aargh!

Before I go, here is a word manufactured by myself that I am going to insist is utilised by anyone who regards books as highly as I do. New words are added to our language every day, and I'd like to think that some day, a crazy woman ranting on the internet might be able to add to this.

* -verb [litt-ehr-gaz-uhm] A moment of heightened literary pleasure and excitement, experienced during the act of reading. [history] A word created by the devilishly attractive, eternally modest, renowned intellect 'The Raevyn' after experiencing the same situation numerous times - loving a book so very much, that she was rendered unable to verbally articulate just how much. The consequential frustration usually manifested itself in the form of her uttering some kind of fast-paced, vague, distinctly uneloquent statement, resulting in her sounding like a complete moron. This in turn would make her even more frustrated, and sometimes even lead to her smacking the person she conversed with over the head with the book in question.

"Its just AWESOME, man!" [WHACK]

Now, thanks to this word, less headaches are caused. One can merely say

"The Time Traveler's Wife gave me a litergasm!"
"Northern Lights gave me my very first litergasm."
"Harry Potter really failed to perform." etc etc.

If anyone reading this has access to the official publication of the dictionary, copy and paste this into it, pleez?

I have been accused of sexualising books in the past. I can't imagine why.


Blogger Jay said...

Haha! I, too, am a stickler! Great post Rae! You should go to the shop and hit them with Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell to teach them a lesson!

7:11 pm  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

I would but unfortunately last time I tried to lift that book it fell on me and was trapped until I was rescued by the emergency services who came round with a crane.

Need to lift some weights first.

7:15 pm  

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