Thursday, February 12, 2009

Brad Pitt is a Key

Weird things that I might have said in the past week –

"I know what my inside face looks like!"

"Whoaaa. Why does the goat sound like Whoopi Goldberg?"

"I have 28 inches of hair. You put a hat on."

(while talking to a crow) "Show me your profile you bastard!"

"I’m stuck in..wait, where am I? Am I in Swindon? I sort of dozed off. Where the hell am I?"

Things that other people have said to me in the past week that I would like to hear again as often as possible, pleez –

"I would be happy to make you expensive coffee every day, it would be my pleasure."

"God dammit, I just have too many books. Would you like some?"

"Oh dear, your coach has broken down. Don’t worry, we’ll pay for you to have a private taxi to take you to where you need to go."

"Here’s a late Xmas present for you!"

"Could you write me a list of books you want so I can buy you one?"

"Would you like some free beer? No? Maybe some wine?" (this was in a hairdressers!)

Also, Brad Pitt looks like a key. Every time I say this, people sort of blink at me. Sometimes they carry on blinking. Sometimes they say "...what?" No one really understands the similarity until I explain it to them, upon which they see the truth and then they never look back.

Reasons why Brad Pitt is a key -

1) He’s beige. In colouring, as well as interest level.
2 His head, when scrutinised, has exactly the same property as a key that is pointing upwards. From the top of his head down to his ears he’s a rectangle, and then his jaw sort of extends outwards in a big circle. Just like the shape of a key.
3) His face is all dimpled and covered in scores of lines. Like a key. Few things in life are certain, but I know, I know, that if I shoved Brad Pitt’s face into the keyhole of my front door, it would open.


That is all.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"if I shoved Brad Pitt’s face into the keyhole of my front door, it would open."


I'm not fully convinced that he looks like a key, but he is very funny looking. Maybe FLK, Funny Looking Key, instead of Funny Looking Kid (people in medical professions are meanies).

All those things people said to you are wonderful! I am jealous!

11:59 am  
Blogger The Raevyn said...

They are all good things to hear. I won't lie, there were some things said that I wish I didn't hear, such as the words that followed when I said "What's a root canal?"

Brr. 'Scuse me while I go to my happy place. Be back soon

12:37 pm  
Blogger mikemoore1 said...

Brad Pitts face looks like a key? Holy crap that's funny! I haven't stopped by your blog for a while, but I'm glad I did. Where else can I find something that freaking amusing?

Thanks Raevyn!

3:59 pm  

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