Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My Mother vs Technology IV

Setting: There are two windows on the taskbar. Mum has computer. Will not relinquish. I need her to open the second window.

Me: "Right, you need to open the second window."

Mum: "Where is that?"

Me: It's in the taskbar."

Mum "Stop talking gobbledegook!!"

Me: "Okay. You see the blue bar at the bottom."

Mum: "No."

Me: "Look at the very bottom of the screen. That big blue line."

Mum: "Yes."

Me: "The second window is in that."

Mum: "I can't see it."

Me: "It's the second blue rectangle."

Mum: "Where?"

Me: "Okay. You see the green box on the left."

Mum: "No."

Me: "Look at the very bottom left of the moni - screen. There is a blue square with the word 'start' written in it. Do you see it."

Mum: "Yes."

Me: "Now. You see the dark blue rectangle, directly to the right of that."

Mum: "Yes."

Me: "Now, you see the blue rectangle directly to the right of that first blue rectangle. It's a slightly paler blue."

Mum: "Yes."

Me: "Click it."


Mum: (scream) "You've knocked out my page!!!"

Me: "It's behind the page that's on the screen now!"

Mum: "You knocked it out!"

I forget what happened after that. I think I developed amnesia. The day before that she spent an entire day getting confused by (that's the pretty, polite version) and I sorta couldn't cope.


Saturday, August 01, 2009

Is that..happiness?

I just wanted to share a random happy day in my life, they're not frequent and this is kinda funny.

Me an' my best friend/male clone went wandering into a forest. I immediately selected two sticks and challenged him to a duel. I did pretty good, he kept striking and I kept dodging and parrying. Then, a second later, I swung my stick at his snapped completely in two leaving him standing there staring at a stub with an expression reminiscent of a little boy who has just had his puppy run over. So naturally I was really sensitive and fell on my arse laughing.

Naturally, I selected him another stick and went 'yah!' Deciding to let him attack first, I let him raise his stick above his head, move forward, and the second my gaze landed on it, it...snapped in two. I don't know what happened next because I fell over laughing again and might have stopped breathing at one point.

Duel number three...someone's stick went flying. Over their head. Guess whose stick it was.

"My stick is longer than your stick."

"I'm better with my stick than you are with yours."

"My stick is harder than your stick."

"I snapped your stick clean in two."

"My stick is stickier than your stick."

etc etc.

I had so much fun I kept the stick..

The point of this post is, when you're low or depressed or upset, go into a forest and beat the shit out of your best friend with a stick.