Friday, July 23, 2010

My Mother VS Technology Part V

I am home for the first time in a year. I haven't even been home for 12 hours yet.

I tried to plug in the wireless router so I could connect to the internet. Mum happily hands me the mains plug.

Me - "That is the plug for your laptop. I don't need it."

Mum - "Yes you do. You need these two plugs."

Me - "No thankyou, I only need this one here." *waves router wire*

Mum - "I always have to use both of these to connect to the internet. Now don't put it on the furniture. I don't want it to catch fire."

Me - "Yes you need both when you want to connect to the net, because your laptop needs a power source. Mine doesn't. For me to connect, only the router needs to be turned on. Not your laptop too."

Mum - "But -"

Me *plugs both wires so as to end conversation*

Later on

Me - "Woooww, this thingie has Windows 7! How fun!"

Mum - "Oh yes, mine is still on Windows 6."

Me - "Mum, you are on XP."

That night I slept an uneasy sleep.

Day 2, 17:44

Mum - "Could you please take a look at a new toy I bought for the kids?"

Me - "Sure, what is it?"

Mum - "It's a massive red remote controlled truck. I bought it second hand. The lady said it just needs charging."

(here I am overcome with a familiar kind of fear that always makes me want to start drinking immediately)

I went to look at the toy. It almost comes up to my knees, and has a snazzy ergonomic remote control with a wheel. A quick glance shows that the control requires two AA batteries. Whoop, no problem.

I turned the car over, and was confronted with a massive removeable black recatngular battery. Identical to those old kinds of batteries in remote controlled cars (I used to have one) that require a unique charger that you place the battery inside, then connect to the mains. So I checked the rest of the bag. There was no such plug in place. I went back to deliver the news.

Me - "We can power the controller, but not the car. We need the plug that came with it when it was purchased."

(Mum looks blank)

Me - "I don't suppose the lady who sold it to you mentioned that."


Me - "..."

Mum - "The lad across the street owns a motorbike with a battery. Do you think he could charge it?


I have been here approximately 22 hours. I will be here for approximately 10 days.

I will update this if and when I need to. If you see any typos, it means I've become wasted in self-defence.

Day 3, 19:10

Raevyn was asked to scan in a photograph. I would have to borrow my Mum's laptop, because my one doesn't have the HP scanner files installed. Mum's computer is in one room, the scanner is in another. I'll just take the comp to the scanner. Easy peasy. It worked like a charm.


Me - *sneaks off with borrowed laptop to the room housing the scanner*

The battery life on the old banger is minus 7 minutes. It conks out before it even recognises it's hooked up to a scanner, and being bossed around by me. Dammit. I sneak back out again to grab the mains plug for the old banger. But alas. I am caught with my paws reaching to unplug the wire!

Mum - "No"

Me - "What?"

Mum - "Don't unplug that!"

Me - "Why?"

Mum - "Because it'll never be the same again!"

Me - "..pardon?"

Mum - "If you take that plug out, you'll never be able to put it back in again!"

Me - "But..the laptop dies before I can scan the image. I need to plug it in."

Mum - "Don't take it out, you won't be able to put it back in again!"

Me - "It's easy. I'll put it back where it was again. I promise."

Mum - "No!"

Me - "Do you want me to carry the scanner into this room, instead?"

Mum - "Nooo.."

Me - "So I need to unplug this."

Mum - "But it'll never work -"

Here I literally grabbed the plug and ran out of the room.

Later on

Me - *scanscanscan*

Mum - *pops head round door* "I brought you this!" *waves the wireless router wire*

I am not wasted. Yet.

Day 4, 14:58

Me - "Since your computer is running so slowly, I'm going to try to clear up any unecessary files on it. For's still got photoshop installed on it. That takes up like 10 gigs, and you don't use it, so I'll uninstall it."

Mum - "I use photoshop all the time!"

Me - "You do?"

Mum - "I use it to buy photos."

Me - "Okay."

La la laa

Day 5, 18:30

Today we did a bit of role reversal and Mum taught me how to turn on a Samsung phone. Oh dear


Blogger Kayleigh Herbertson said...

My Dad has me turn on the computer for him.... then I get about four steps away before he asks how he gets on the internet so I load up Firefox.... then another four steps before he asks what to do now.
Dad: So what do I do now?
Me: Dad, you're there.
Dad: But where's the internet?
Me: Dad, that's google, type in what you want to do now.
*Weeps quietly in a corner*

9:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:D Very funny (for me - perhaps not for you)!

How goes things?


9:17 pm  

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